Single, single

So… I am a 35-year-old Black Christian Woman. I have never been married or engaged and the only “child” I have is my dog Phoenix. He has health insurance and doctor visits – he is my fur child. I have two degrees and one in progress. I have a home and a vehicle.

Why the demographics?

Because when I do encounter men (which isn’t as often as some think), there are two assumptions that pop out. “You’re either crazy” or “You are damaged”. Or by a few of my brethren I’ve gotten “You intimidate men”. I think the latter is a lie. A man shouldn’t be intimidated by a woman. I am not here to do anyone harm. Now, people’s personal experiences may not allow them to believe that initially… but its true. I have encountered amazing men in my past… but none were assigned to stay… because I am Single, Single. Seriously… not attached (hypothetically or realistically). No, its not by choice. Yes, I have standards… no its not an impossible list I wouldn’t stand up to myself. I am a work in progress… so ultimately I expect “him” to be as well.

So why the blog:

Christian Married People:

1) Be Careful How You Encourage.

Sometimes I cringe on the inside when people begin to “encourage” me in my singleness and then return to their married homes. It can even sting when people don’t realize its a lot easier to speak on the subject, quote scriptures, and give testimonies once you are in the next season. The Holiday season is rolling in. You don’t have deal with the “not married or dating questionnaire” from family and friends. You may have your own set of children issues… but you don’t have to live in proverbial Auntie-Land. No complaints… just stating the facts.

2) I need your prayers and not your sympathy.

Single doesn’t equate desperate. Which means I may not be dating… but I won’t just date anybody. Did you do that? (Don’t answer out loud… wont receive any counseling bills after this post!) BOAZ isn’t for me. While he was a redeemer.. guy was old. I need my husband to help me raise our family. Go ahead… look that up. Obed wasn’t out playing catch with dad. Instead of feeling sorry for me… pray that in due season God will allow me to be seen. Really seen-> heart>body. Because the prayers of the righteous avails right?

3) Don’t belittle your marriage or spouse by telling me to enjoy this season because you are going through.

Neither season is without woes. And while we do need to be content in each season… why would you devalue the institution because of a temporary situation? I won’t stop desiring marriage because yours is in turmoil – I will pray for you though. The prayers of the righteous…

4) Don’t attempt to diagnose me!

“If you change _____ you won’t be single”

“If you just wear a little makeup…”

“If you stop wearing too much makeup…”

“If you loose a little weight…”

“If you…”


Each of us has an appointed time. I can’t be too much of anything for the right one. There are people on both sides of my current weight that are happily married. There are makeup artists who will drag out a face -> and are happily married. There is an exception for every rule. Your prescription won’t make “Him” manifest. Please see previous suggestion -> pray for me.

Finally, know that while I wait… my prayer is that I wait well. I am constantly working on myself. I am praying. Join me.

With my entire sincere heart…

Ivy Out