WARNING: This is a very personal and transparent entry. If you don’t care to venture into that part of my honesty, click the “X” at the top of the right hand corner. I won’t even know;)
Easter Sunday, known to those in the Christian faith as Resurrection Sunday. It’s the day we celebrate Jesus Christ rising up! He defeated the cross, death, and sin. My salvation’s cornerstone is the Resurrection of Christ. My life however, also pays tribute to this day via a milestone. Thirteen years ago on Easter Sunday morning, I plotted to take my own life. My family had been going through a rough patch as it related to my child support/custody case. I spent part of my life with my mom’s side of the family and part with my bio-dad’s family. During the holidays, as most visitation laws agree, I alternated where I would be. This was the year to be with my bio-dad’s family, however my mom bought my Easter suit. It was a yellow two-piece skirt suit. I will never forget that because it was partially a part of the tipping point. My mother and grandmother are both brown skinned. My mother grew up under the mantra that you wore black undergarments underneath your clothing. My grandmother came from the school of thought that said you wore white underneath your clothing. (I now know that because of my melanin, I wear nude) Since my mother bought my suit, she bought black to go underneath. As I got dressed on Easter morning, I go into it with my grandmother. She said something I will never forget. She said I looked like a whore because I had black underneath my suit. I cried as if my heart had been ripped out. I figured, ok, if I wasn’t here…everyone would be happier. Thus the plot to kill myself began. I grabbed the half full class of water and my old pain pills and went into my uncle’s room. I sat on the bed and continued crying. Right before I swallowed a half a bottle of prescription Ibuprofen a song by Greg O’Quinn came on the radio, “I told the storm”. I stopped in my tracks, fell to my knees and prayed. I promised God that I would never take what He gave to me away. I was reassured that day that no matter what comes, God will help me endure and persevere. I didn’t tell the one person I am going to make sure reads this post…but he (my Uncle Dwight) actually walked in while I was praying. He didn’t know what was going on. No one did. The song washed over me and arrested my plans. It’s as if the Holy Spirit intervened with the one medium that always moves me, music. I was in choir by age three or four, singing solos by six, and I began hiding my voice after I graduated from High School. (I do sooo many other things, which no one will let me do if they find out I sing)
The point is this: I TOLD MY STORM 13 YEARS AGO, IT WOULD NOT CONSUME ME. Today represents the day our Savior, Jesus the Christ, defeated sin for YOU AND ME. Nothing in your past can break you, nothing in your present situation can defeat you, and your future is ALREADY LOOKING BETTER. I will share the link to the song that ministered to me that day. I hope you realize the SON makes it brighter for us all.
I didn’t tell my mother until my senior year, and she made me promise that I would never again consider taking my own life. I never told my uncle. Publically, Uncle D: I am sorry for not sharing this with you. I carried this around a long time before I began to share it. I was saved by the ONE who saves!