Month: May 2014

Categories
life

Grown Up. Not in age… in wisdom. Wisdom comes from God…

In this place, my default is worship. After realizing that I’ve been complaining about stuff only God can change, I stopped. Waking up and spending more time gathering things for others than self, finding the amazing framing of colors surrounding the dawn sky mesmerizing because only God can paint it that way, I realize that I am truly growing up. 

Not growing perfect. 

Not growing superior. 

Growing up. 

I can almost feel the scolding when I am thinking, walking, or talking wrong. Not that I’m at the “just don’t do it” phase all the time, but I know the chastisement is near. I can also feel the shifts as they roll in. I’ve felt the season changing for a while (blogged about it back in January) and today felt like fresh wind. It had some ups and downs because we now have four school days left, but the highs carried me into tonight’s worship. My alone time with God. It usually starts in the car because of long commutes, but it started in my classroom. I sat down to gather my things and started singing. Now if you know me, really know me, you know I don’t like to draw attention to my voice. However, I posted twelve seconds of this little song service. When I got in my vehicle, I turned on Pandora (to my Tye Tribbett station) and kept on singing. I cried all the way home. I parked and started shuffling in my car seat once I made it to the garage. 

Why am I sharing? Simple. You don’t need an audience of people to worship and praise God. I am NOT against corporate worship, but you should have the kind of relationship with your friend Jesus that you can just go to Him anywhere. IF not friend JESUS, then what about mother or father JESUS, brother JESUS, doctor or lawyer JESUS…. He is what you need. He answers prayers. Seriously. The suddenly type, the not right now type, and the confirm His Will and Word type, Jesus answers prayer. 

The beginning of my evening was just adoring Him. By the time I got home I was crying out to Him. I want Him to know, that I know, that He is my only solution…. He can heal my family. He can better my situation. He can direct my life. He can improve certain things about my job. He can FIX ME. He can… insert what you need the Lord to do. Just seriously bring it to Him. Unload it at your worship place. Let it all go into the hands of the Master. 

walk away lighter. 

Great Night.

ivy out.

Categories
life

Well… speak up!

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Borrowed Image from: http://lifeloveandyoga.com/2013/06/24/react-or-respond/ via Google…

What is it about someone else’s attention that makes one more attractive or desirable? 

Is there a link between your finding someone attractive and validation when someone else finds that person attractive? 

Will it take someone else to show attention for you to realize what you almost had? Or in the opinions of some, should rightfully have?

 

I don’t have answers to these questions. As I ponder the project that is seemingly going to take up a chunk of my dearest summer, I have been presented with some pretty interesting situations from those closest to me. I have personally inquired of God, and a few close individuals, about certain prayers. Have I stopped praying them? Ab-so-lute-ly NOT! I take the pray without ceasing scripture pretty seriously…and you should to.  I just have learned that paying attention to something doesn’t always require vocalizing, posting, or even writing about it. 

Shocking, right?

I value the thoughts in my head. If I wrote everything that I thought …. I’d probably be in trouble. Either for the truth, the content, or the timing of my thoughts. However the questions that opened this blog are for the public. Someone, ANYONE, please respond. I am really curious about those in particular. I have one more to add to the bunch:

What does it mean to love someone?

Chew on those…then respond….PLEASE (Insert batting eyelashes).

 

Ivy Out

Categories
life

Run and Tell It.

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It has really hit home that I will be writing this summer. I have already begun to dive back into the poetically prose mind of my younger self. A sister friend of mine, who is closer than close, has given me a preverbal kick in the hind parts.  She very rudely, yet with a smile, told me that I was going to finish my book this summer. I laughed, but I not only listened to her words, I heard her. She is the reason that my first book was published in 2008. I pulled up the draft that I began composing in 2008 as an “autoblog”. The more I read, the more I was compelled to find that voice again. I have grown in the years that have been celebrated since I started. My voice is different. I don’t know what experience has shaped my writing more, my master’s program, my doctoral program, my lack of serious romantic relationships, my closer walk with God, or social media. For whatever reason, the voice I read was pure. It was raw. It was imagery and alliteration, it was anything but narrative, but it’s tapestry took you to another place. I didn’t regard any writing style or formatting guide. It was steam of consciousness confession. I order to be there, I had to feel. I realize that now. I can’t just sit down and write. It is even evident in my blogs. When I write to appease a deadline *which I apologize for missing recently*, it’s not that good. I’m honest, you can admit it too. When I am led by feelings or emotions, or even revelation knowledge, you can feel my words. That means from now on, I have to give myself permission to feel. I can not be numb to my experiences. I have to feel through them. Then I can find that voice.

I know I’m right. I’ll just let you in on last night’s rant:

If my words vomited all of my feelings up on paper you would see an eclectic mix of adjectives and verbs intermingled with a level of uncertainty that I have yet to find useful. The only assurance for this time of morning sickness is its usually through prayer that the words even have a place to leave and go. Its only through dialogue with the Father that I am able to process, hear, heal, and praise. Ready. Set. Go.

 

I know now. That is why I’m back in this place, I have more to say. 

Have an amazing Sunday…and tell someone about my blog. I have a feeling, this is where it starts. 

Categories
life

“i am not chosen because i am so worthy, i am worthy because HE chose me.”

 

This week has been amazing. I won’t hold you. I will just tell you that this summer stands to yield lots of pinterest projects, reading both scholarly and personal growth books, cooking, and writing. 

I found a book I started in 2008, my sister says it’s going to come to light soon. I can’t promise a date. I can promise that after reading a few pieces of that novella, I was compelled to find “her”. The writer who used figurative language to explain the complexities of love. 

We shall see. I have also, in the last thirty minutes, viewed commercials for movies I must see. 

 

I can’t tell you what will happen tomorrow. I give my plans to the Lord and breath. I know what I’d like to do, but things change everyday. I am open to this place. It feels good. I’m not calling the shots, but I am ok with that. 

I pray, I write, I read, I do. 

Happy Mother’s Day Everyone. 

More soon. 

Ivy Out