It has really hit home that I will be writing this summer. I have already begun to dive back into the poetically prose mind of my younger self. A sister friend of mine, who is closer than close, has given me a preverbal kick in the hind parts. She very rudely, yet with a smile, told me that I was going to finish my book this summer. I laughed, but I not only listened to her words, I heard her. She is the reason that my first book was published in 2008. I pulled up the draft that I began composing in 2008 as an “autoblog”. The more I read, the more I was compelled to find that voice again. I have grown in the years that have been celebrated since I started. My voice is different. I don’t know what experience has shaped my writing more, my master’s program, my doctoral program, my lack of serious romantic relationships, my closer walk with God, or social media. For whatever reason, the voice I read was pure. It was raw. It was imagery and alliteration, it was anything but narrative, but it’s tapestry took you to another place. I didn’t regard any writing style or formatting guide. It was steam of consciousness confession. I order to be there, I had to feel. I realize that now. I can’t just sit down and write. It is even evident in my blogs. When I write to appease a deadline *which I apologize for missing recently*, it’s not that good. I’m honest, you can admit it too. When I am led by feelings or emotions, or even revelation knowledge, you can feel my words. That means from now on, I have to give myself permission to feel. I can not be numb to my experiences. I have to feel through them. Then I can find that voice.
I know I’m right. I’ll just let you in on last night’s rant:
If my words vomited all of my feelings up on paper you would see an eclectic mix of adjectives and verbs intermingled with a level of uncertainty that I have yet to find useful. The only assurance for this time of morning sickness is its usually through prayer that the words even have a place to leave and go. Its only through dialogue with the Father that I am able to process, hear, heal, and praise. Ready. Set. Go.
I know now. That is why I’m back in this place, I have more to say.
Have an amazing Sunday…and tell someone about my blog. I have a feeling, this is where it starts.