There have been a host of feelings and emotions swimming around inside of me for the past two months. I could probably write a novel, just from March – May of 2015, but I choose not to. Instead, I’d like to write a public letter to God. I don’t know if anyone can relate, but I’ll share.
There are a ton of scriptures, in Your Word, that tell me to be strong, unwavering in my faith, and secure in the fact that YOU know the plans You have for me. However, there are a ton of days when I can’t see the step in front of me. Each day, no matter how it begins or ends, I take You with me on this journey. You have seen my highest of highs, and my below-the-valley lows. There is no secret kept from You, or even attempted to be hidden. For that, I thank You.
You happened to call home my father, my daddy, the man who raised me and groomed the woman that I am. Although, he came into my life at an early age and not birth, he will ALWAYS be my SUPERDad. Not even death could change that. Jesus defeated death through his resurrection. I know that I will see my daddy again, I don’t doubt that, but it doesn’t make the absence of his earthly presence easier to handle. I am a recovering worrier. You already know that, but You told us to confess (I John 1:9). I don’t want to worry, I want to trust. I know that you do all things GREAT, which means you chose to take my dad from a place of pain and suffering, and usher him into a place where he would never know pain again. I know you heard the prayers for peace and comfort. Thank You. That also means You have something for us to do here. Now, I can’t see the future, and I’m not asking one else what to either, but You knew my end before my first breath. Order my steps, Father. Guide my feet/hands, mind/heart, and everything in-between. When my physical eyes can’t see forward, guide my spiritual vision. When “moments” spring up that echo “no enough”, employ the Holy Spirit to remind me of who I am in You. There are those who think I am strong, I disagree! However, that is my opinion. I have just learned what it means to endure, some things better than others.
In other matters, Father, You know my heart’s desire. Your word says seek You FIRST, and You will grant those. I trust You to do that too.
So I guess the purpose of this little exercise is to remind myself, via my pen to you, that I trust you. I don’t understand it all. I can’t see it all. I probably couldn’t handle “it all”, but I trust You. (And in moments when I don’t, like this fella – Mark 9:24, help my unbelief!)
I’ll love You always Abba. I miss SUPERDad – the Angel. I am her.