Inhale. Exhale. Tear up. Pray. Inhale Young Living Essential oil. Prayed some more.
This was today. This IS today. Today I needed breathing, prayer, faith reminders, essential oils, and a powerful few people in my support system. This is NOT a dress rehearsal. This is life. Life has this powerful way of reminding you how “small” you are. However, my God is not small at all. God is infinite and mighty! I needed to anchor to that reality. I needed to surrender all of my worry, anxiety, and failure thoughts to the God of infinity. I needed to lean on the BIGNESS OF GOD today. Prior to that reality, I was staring up at a mountain.
Comprehensive exam approaches in exactly 5 weeks, or 38 days, or 912 hours.
Work – STAAR approaches in about 7 weeks.
Semester assignments are due weekly – Friday before Midnight
Ministry – No End Ever! (Whatever you do for CHRIST will LAST)
Art – Concrete Glass, Personal Inventory- Ongoing Passion Business
Sorority – Life Commitments…but I have reduced immediate demands
Notice…these aren’t even the “because I want to things”
Finances… I legit had all kinds of brainstorming blurbs about how to find a way to earn more time back and not lose income/benefits. No real hits here. Lol
So yes… this was the mountain, that might as well be Kilimanjaro.
How-and-ever… I had to say out loud – I believe either God will give me wings or dynamite. Either I am going over the mountain or through it. It’s not for me to figure out. I am putting this back on GOD ALMIGHTY. Big God… HELP! That is my prayer. I can’t spend hours more under the weight of what my two hands can’t move. Oh, but I can pray-breathe-be encouraged-read my Bible-listen to music-bust a move-and re-center myself.
“Where are you RIGHT now Andonnia?”
“What can you control Andonnia?”
“What is the NEXT step?”
Who did I call first? Someone currently victorious in his doctoral program. He encouraged me and reminded me that it’s not for everyone. He reminded me that I am equipped. He reminded me to put up my affirmations and to read them.
Who did I speak to later? Someone who has already beat the Doctoral beast. She reminded me that my thoughts are not estranged. She spoke life to and in me. She told me the discomfort meant I am doing something.
**BECAUSE YOU NEED PEOPLE TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH. **
You will lie to You. Yes, I said it. You will speak failure and defeat if that’s what you feel in that moment. IT IS A LIE. You need people around you that will speak life.
You know what shocked me? She said I held it well. I did not think so initially. However, I am grateful that people see the God in me and not just my broken moments. I post them too… see Instagram post a few days ago. Yet, to have someone who interacts with me on a regular basis say that I am holding it together gave me hope. I encourage others from that place. Insert 2 Corinthians 1:4. I don’t encourage and empower because I have this perfect life.
I AM A CHILD OF GRACE AND MERCY.
I can tell a sister to keep going because I had to learn that message myself. And when my voice isn’t enough, someone in my circle reminds me. When it gets overwhelming, and it will at some point, pull out your tools. PRAY – this is calling on your HEAVENLY HELP! Breathe. Read Scripture. Grab the calming essential oil (If you want information about how/why I use them, reply in a comment and we can talk off-line). CALL YOUR EARTHLY HELP. Know that no one person on this earth has it all together all of the time. We are human-becomings. We are growing through. I know I am.
Inhale. Exhale. Take the next step. Even if that is going to bed.