You never get over those you love; you get through the moments.” – ASMaiben
If you know, that quote needs no explanation. Grief is a chronic beast. It doesn’t ask permission on when and how to show up. It doesn’t care about your plans or your previous resilience…because each year, moment, memory is different. While the memories themselves do not change, what they evoke or bring up is different.
Here me out. Many times, when I feel the heavy, I isolate. (Because) When I feel it, and I am holding on, I am like a fracture eggshell. I don’t want the extra attention drawn to my fissures or I will crack where I sit, stand, or lay. I don’t stay in isolation, I don’t recommend that anyone does that, but for the critical mass moments, I move so that others don’t become the catalyst to my tears.
Many times, people don’t know what to say. Sometimes, not saying anything works. Maybe it’s just a smile or a prayer. Ask if people want to acknowledge the moment… seriously. Offering to hold space, embrace, or listen is key. It gives agency back to the one who is enduring.
Don’t take my message as a mass gospel for all who grieve, but please take it into consideration. Grief is chronic. It might abate and lie dormant, but like addictions it can be triggered. No one is stronger than grief, except God and even Jesus she tears for Lazarus. Nothing is wrong with you because you grieve. You grieve because you LOVED. Never ever ever be mad for loving people. It’s the strongest power on earth. We actually need a lot more of it going around.
I made it over. I loved Zazoo with every fiber of my being. I carry 24 years of love and lessons with me daily. When people make a mark in your life, it’s ok to recognize when grief comes. Just know that one thing that fights grief back is love. Remember the love. Recall the love. Journal the love. Share the love. BE around those you love. Engage in convos about things you love. Once the moment of heaviness passes… fill the space with love. Love lifts the heavy.
Also, just a reference. I posted these pictures yesterday. People loved the makeup. The makeup was masking the heavy. One featherweight caused the crack (my zipper breaking on my pants and sending me rushing to a Walmart…only to be disappointed with what I selected…). Once I cracked, I could find my breath. Just don’t assume the pretty, the smile, the makeup, the clothes is an indicator of the state of the heart. Often times, it’s not. So when I ask, “How are you…how is your heart?” that’s why.