Well not to date, but to Holiday, my life changed. I referenced it in my sermon from April 14, 2019. To understand -> watch here

What changed? Five cities would have been one less citizen. SHSU would be one organization lighter – Adopt A Heart. The Theta Epsilon Chapter would have had 11 not 12 new members in Fall 2004. Alpha Alpha Eta Omega would have chartered with 70 not 71 members. 1,000 students in three districts in the Houston would have missed the USM experience. Several friendships, relationships, and business partnerships would have never formed. And how was I reminded? This song came on my pandora playlist today ->I Told The Storm

This is how the Lord got my attention that day. I am grateful He did.

Purpose doesn’t disappear because troubles appear… it just grows deeper into your being. Upon a little research one might read that under ideal conditions, tree tap roots can grow down twenty feet deep. The tap root stabilizes the tree. Your purpose… is your tap root. What you do with that… is where you bear fruit. 🌳

Ivy Out

Inhale. Exhale. Tear up. Pray. Inhale Young Living Essential oil. Prayed some more.

This was today. This IS today. Today I needed breathing, prayer, faith reminders, essential oils, and a powerful few people in my support system. This is NOT a dress rehearsal. This is life. Life has this powerful way of reminding you how “small” you are. However, my God is not small at all. God is infinite and mighty! I needed to anchor to that reality. I needed to surrender all of my worry, anxiety, and failure thoughts to the God of infinity. I needed to lean on the BIGNESS OF GOD today. Prior to that reality, I was staring up at a mountain.

                        Comprehensive exam approaches in exactly 5 weeks, or 38 days, or 912 hours.

                        Work – STAAR approaches in about 7 weeks.

                        Semester assignments are due weekly – Friday before Midnight

                        Ministry – No End Ever! (Whatever you do for CHRIST will LAST)

                        Art – Concrete Glass, Personal Inventory- Ongoing Passion Business

                        Sorority – Life Commitments…but I have reduced immediate demands

                        Notice…these aren’t even the “because I want to things”

            Finances… I legit had all kinds of brainstorming blurbs about how to find a way to earn more time back and not lose income/benefits. No real hits here. Lol

So yes… this was the mountain, that might as well be Kilimanjaro.

How-and-ever… I had to say out loud – I believe either God will give me wings or dynamite. Either I am going over the mountain or through it. It’s not for me to figure out. I am putting this back on GOD ALMIGHTY. Big God… HELP! That is my prayer. I can’t spend hours more under the weight of what my two hands can’t move. Oh, but I can pray-breathe-be encouraged-read my Bible-listen to music-bust a move-and re-center myself.

“Where are you RIGHT now Andonnia?”

“What can you control Andonnia?”

“What is the NEXT step?”

Who did I call first? Someone currently victorious in his doctoral program. He encouraged me and reminded me that it’s not for everyone. He reminded me that I am equipped. He reminded me to put up my affirmations and to read them.

Who did I speak to later? Someone who has already beat the Doctoral beast. She reminded me that my thoughts are not estranged. She spoke life to and in me. She told me the discomfort meant I am doing something.

**BECAUSE YOU NEED PEOPLE TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH. **

You will lie to You. Yes, I said it. You will speak failure and defeat if that’s what you feel in that moment. IT IS A LIE. You need people around you that will speak life.

You know what shocked me? She said I held it well. I did not think so initially. However, I am grateful that people see the God in me and not just my broken moments. I post them too… see Instagram post a few days ago. Yet, to have someone who interacts with me on a regular basis say that I am holding it together gave me hope. I encourage others from that place. Insert 2 Corinthians 1:4. I don’t encourage and empower because I have this perfect life.

I AM A CHILD OF GRACE AND MERCY.

I can tell a sister to keep going because I had to learn that message myself. And when my voice isn’t enough, someone in my circle reminds me. When it gets overwhelming, and it will at some point, pull out your tools. PRAY – this is calling on your HEAVENLY HELP! Breathe. Read Scripture. Grab the calming essential oil (If you want information about how/why I use them, reply in a comment and we can talk off-line). CALL YOUR EARTHLY HELP. Know that no one person on this earth has it all together all of the time. We are human-becomings. We are growing through. I know I am.

Inhale. Exhale. Take the next step. Even if that is going to bed.

IVY OUT.

Happy 2019! No time like the present to acknowledge that we have victoriously walked into another year.

No. I am not lacing that statement with sarcasm. As I write this, with a lot of things on a “to do right now” list, I am grateful. I can acknowledge that my 2018 did not go the way I wanted to go. I can accept that all of my decisions were not the greatest. Yup, because in order to grow, one has to acknowledge “STUFF”. That does not mean that each of those decisions felt great. However, they happened. The past is static… it doesn’t change.

Then… AFTER acknowledging and praying about the things that rocked my life last year, I can celebrate all of the blessings. NEVER forget to put a spotlight of gratitude on your blessings. That is an area many fail at. We highlight the negatives and forget to “develop” the positives. I was blessed to start working at a new campus (cue gas savings), One class made top 10 in the district for growth in reading level )*insert happy dance*, I met amazing people, I was honored as one of the first WOMEN OF W.E.A.R.T.H. awardees, I preached three Sunday sermons, I spoke at Black Girl Mixtape Houston AND a young girl’s conference, I facilitated the Noir Bella Project 2018, I mentored and was mentored, I traveled to Trinidad and Tobago for the first time, and I created a lot of art. There is probably more, but as we speak… one of my teacher responsibilities is pressing on me to watch the clock.

I also went back to blonde and got a fade. I didn’t have to ask permission, it was my choice. I LOVE IT. Sometimes, we second guess what we want because of what others will think. Once I made up in my mind and heart, talked to the Lord AKA prayed, it was settled. I told my barber we were taking it off. I called my colorist and said I was going back to blonde. We actually went through a couple of shades of blonde to get here. This is home. As an artist, I feel better when I acknowledge my quirks. I love being able to express them.

I am also about 30 pounds lighter. I made a decision in July 2018 to pick up the discipline to change. A friend of mine agreed to coach me through her method of keto and I started. I didn’t announce the decision… I didn’t know if it would work. I also think I talk too much. THERE, I said it. I’ve learned to listen more. To observe more. To let results show up before my voice did. I’ve morphed from extrovert to ambivert. I rather enjoy that. I enjoy my voice, but not at the expense of hearing others out. This growth thing has something to it, ya know?

I still have my art business… Annlettered -> http://www.annlettered.com

I also charted a graduate chapter of Alpha Kappa Alpha last June. Our chapter, Alpha Alpha Eta Omega, is very special to me. The sisters are warm and supportive, and serving along side them is a treat!

“I am blessed. All of my needs are met. I am receiving my hearts desires in JESUS’ name, and it’s happening RIGHT NOW!” Growing up, Reverend (Dr.) Linden taught us this proclamation. We said it every week before offering. As an adult, it comes back to me. It’s timely. Speak it over your 2019. Write it down. Carry it in your heart. Let it bubble up when doubt comes to steal your joy. CANCEL ALL JOY KILLERS in 2019. Hold fast to the gratitude spotlight in your life. Excel. Acknowledge. Grow.

Forever grateful that somewhere in the six years that I ‘ve been blogging, you’ve joined the party. IF someone shared this with you.. you can subscribe and get a notification when I post. I promise not to fill your inbox. My goal is to post 12-24 times this year. See? Not a whole lot.

With ALL Sincerity –IVY OUT

How long will it take you to acknowledge the truth about your journey? Here it is: Your errors won’t cancel out your purpose.

That’s all I have.

Forever love,

Ivy Out

So… I am a 35-year-old Black Christian Woman. I have never been married or engaged and the only “child” I have is my dog Phoenix. He has health insurance and doctor visits – he is my fur child. I have two degrees and one in progress. I have a home and a vehicle.

Why the demographics?

Because when I do encounter men (which isn’t as often as some think), there are two assumptions that pop out. “You’re either crazy” or “You are damaged”. Or by a few of my brethren I’ve gotten “You intimidate men”. I think the latter is a lie. A man shouldn’t be intimidated by a woman. I am not here to do anyone harm. Now, people’s personal experiences may not allow them to believe that initially… but its true. I have encountered amazing men in my past… but none were assigned to stay… because I am Single, Single. Seriously… not attached (hypothetically or realistically). No, its not by choice. Yes, I have standards… no its not an impossible list I wouldn’t stand up to myself. I am a work in progress… so ultimately I expect “him” to be as well.

So why the blog:

Christian Married People:

1) Be Careful How You Encourage.

Sometimes I cringe on the inside when people begin to “encourage” me in my singleness and then return to their married homes. It can even sting when people don’t realize its a lot easier to speak on the subject, quote scriptures, and give testimonies once you are in the next season. The Holiday season is rolling in. You don’t have deal with the “not married or dating questionnaire” from family and friends. You may have your own set of children issues… but you don’t have to live in proverbial Auntie-Land. No complaints… just stating the facts.

2) I need your prayers and not your sympathy.

Single doesn’t equate desperate. Which means I may not be dating… but I won’t just date anybody. Did you do that? (Don’t answer out loud… andonnia.com wont receive any counseling bills after this post!) BOAZ isn’t for me. While he was a redeemer.. guy was old. I need my husband to help me raise our family. Go ahead… look that up. Obed wasn’t out playing catch with dad. Instead of feeling sorry for me… pray that in due season God will allow me to be seen. Really seen-> heart>body. Because the prayers of the righteous avails right?

3) Don’t belittle your marriage or spouse by telling me to enjoy this season because you are going through.

Neither season is without woes. And while we do need to be content in each season… why would you devalue the institution because of a temporary situation? I won’t stop desiring marriage because yours is in turmoil – I will pray for you though. The prayers of the righteous…

4) Don’t attempt to diagnose me!

“If you change _____ you won’t be single”

“If you just wear a little makeup…”

“If you stop wearing too much makeup…”

“If you loose a little weight…”

“If you…”

STOP THIS!

Each of us has an appointed time. I can’t be too much of anything for the right one. There are people on both sides of my current weight that are happily married. There are makeup artists who will drag out a face -> and are happily married. There is an exception for every rule. Your prescription won’t make “Him” manifest. Please see previous suggestion -> pray for me.

Finally, know that while I wait… my prayer is that I wait well. I am constantly working on myself. I am praying. Join me.

With my entire sincere heart…

Ivy Out

So… I ran across this post on Pinterest. And… while I agree with the message, my spirit through a small fit. UNCERTAINTY is hard. It’s frustrating. It’s unnerving. It’s (insert adjective here), but it’s required for faith. Faith is BELIEVING what you DON’T see. It’s trusting that the God who knows all of your tomorrow’s before you do, knows this too.

So when it gets hard, remember who’s in control. He’s got you and me in his hands!

IVY OUT

It’s time for the AMAZING to be normal in your life.

Yup. It’s time.

Will you put your faith in the GOD who CAN, or will you wander around wondering?

Just a quick question.

Ivy Out.

There is a sweet peace that you can come into if you choose to.

It starts with trusting God.

It ends with trusting God.

We access peace by trusting God.

We take out things like anxiety and worry because we release control to the One who already knows how it will turn out anyway. We refocus our attention and energy on love. Love God and love people -> sound familiar? See Matthew 22:36-39

Matthew 22:36-40 English Standard Version (ESV)

³⁶ “Teacher, which is the great commandment in the Law?” ³⁷ And he said to him, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. ³⁸ This is the great and first commandment. ³⁹ And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

When we focus on that…you don’t have as much time to worry about what won’t work. Then you can entrust your plans (in pencil) to God’s Will for your life (Proverbs 19:21)

Don’t believe me? Try it. I dare you. Filter alllll you do through LOVE today. Vertical first and Horizontal second.. make a familiar shape? You can see it two ways… the + Plus sign, because adding more love to your life ALWAYS adds to you.  Secondly, THE CROSS, which reminds us of the Grace gift of Christ. The way I see it, it’s a win-win.

I LOVE (AGAPE) YOU!

Ivy Out.

I don’t think some people understand the value of friendship.  True friendship – The vault of wisdom and opinions. Friendship, the safe place. Friendship, the reciprocal river that flows up and downhill in search of the ocean that will receive it. Friendship is the heartbeat of most relationships. And no, I don’t just mean romantic relationships. Friendships create larger boundaries in which one can enjoy life. The wound from a friend can, and usually does, hurt worse than an attack from an enemy.

When you recognize someone as an “enemy”, then you expect an attack. Some level of negative discord, if nothing else, based on the interaction and discourse between enemies.

But a friend. Friends shouldn’t hurt you. Grow you, yes. Push you higher, yes. Remind you of your potential, and sometimes introduce you to situations where a perspective shift is purposeful, absolutely. But that intentional wounding from a FRIEND, that needs a deeper kind of healing.

Don’t let Facebook trick you into thinking every connection is a friend. Sometimes only time will reveal the cracks in a foundation you once thought to be solid. Yes, seasons come and go, but some friends are ROOTS, some are BRANCHES, and some blow in the wind as LEAVES.

 

IVY Out

What a title. I can admit it, I like to be in control of what is happening in my life. (Abba,) Can I at least KNOW what’s happening in my life? If I am the only one,  I understand. However, I strongly doubt that I am.

I feel more comfortable when I can predict certain things. We use all kind of sensory data to figure out what to do next, what the market is doing, what our budgets *or should be budget* will allow, and the ball drops when it comes to people. We can’t predict what the next person will do. People: the governors of choice, the finders of the way, the marchers of their own drums… don’t always follow neat little patterns. Guess what, we are people. You and I. We change our mind, we forget things, we err, we live and breathe and smile and shift.

All of the above stated…What’s wrong with a little control? It lacks FAITH. I can’t predict God’s hand. I simply can’t.

Isaiah 55:8-9 English Standard Version (ESV)

⁸ For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.
⁹ For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.

If I TRUST God the way I say I do, then I have to be ok with NOT KNOWING. Especially since my thoughts can’t match His….right?!

….insert freak out emoji….

 

(Sarcastic scolding: Andonnia – Haven’t you blogged about trusting God before? What’s so hard about it this time??

Me: Have you ever heard a weird noise in your house or car? Yes? Did you freak out? Had you heard a weird noise before, that indicated maintenance needed? Yes, ok. )

 

Seriously, I wish I could report to you all the times before God delivered exactly what I needed when I released control to Him… but it’s happened more times than I can count. Did that stop me from worrying my eyes out this week? NOPE. Maturity will always reveal weakness as well as growth. Did God send messages via sermons and conversations and scripture and memories…yes. But I had to surrender control back to Him. (Just me? Ok! lol)

FEAR can paralyze you. The FEAR of the unknown can lead to ANXIETY. Why do I mention these? They happen. TJ Jakes and Pastor J once said,” Fear can be in the car, it just can’t drive”. Here’s the Andonnia remix: IF you leave fear in a place long enough, it will get brazen and take the wheel. My perspective comes from this… what we comfortable with becomes something we allow without a critical eye. Take house cleaning for instance. If I am comfortable with a pair of shoes randomly on the floor… pretty soon it will be joined by others. Once I step back and really evaluate the situation, I am also picking up a pile of shoes. (Maybe that’s just my house, lol) Fear must be evaluated. Where is this really coming from. Fear is symptomatic. For me, the past few months or so, a situation took me out of my comfort zone. It required trusting God. It required allowing God to be God and Andonnia to focus on the things God assigned to my RIGHT NOW. You see, God did give me plenty to do, fix, accomplish, and study. However, this ONE thing…that’s  His business. Just because I know something, it doesn’t mean that I am equipped to effect that thing. Sometimes God gives us front row seats to His glory. Don’t believe me… Gideon.

I think we are related. I preached about that guy a few weeks ago. Guy didn’t believe he could do what God assigned for him to do. It looks impossible.

But Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26 ESV

While Gideon didn’t have the New Testament to pull from… He did have God on His side. God was merciful enough to send confirmation after confirmation. Seriously.. Take a look at Judges 6-8. I get like that sometimes God.

“God if you could be so kind as to confirm…. for me.” Followed by another confirmation request…and sometimes another. (Confession is good for the soul).

The reality is, His word was good the first time. When I don’t see the circumstance from the right perspective, and its alllll out of my control, I start to freak out. UNTIL I remember who is ALWAYS in control. Until I pay attention to the fact that my Good Good Father will always take care of whatever IT is.

I’m a recovering-undercover-worryer… I am releasing control because He is always in control. And from this place, I can guarantee one thing: attempting control is exhausting. lol

What are you releasing today?

Ivy Out