Tag: God

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life

WE are too impressed with right words, rather than right hearts…

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I feel like I haven’t posted a blog in a lifetime. I apologize to anyone who has ever come to this blog for peace, comedy, sarcasm, or encouragement. The hiatus came on the heels of a lot of “life”.

Anywho. I have been feeling a lot lately. Is it just me? Not “in my feelings” like some of my friends and I blurt out during sensitive times, but actual feeling. I have been emoting. I have paid attention to the feelings that would consistently rise up. Not because they are supreme in my life, but they usually are a good thermometer for my heart. Emotions are to thermometer as heart is to thermostat. Let that sit with you for a bit. Brew over it like tea.

I had a very intimate conversation with several of my friends, at different times. Birthed from many exchanges, and prematurely inked on paper, I labor at this hour to produce my reunion blog. This is my reunion with my authentic voice. ::clears throat::

I have come to the conclusion that we often are too impressed with people’s right words instead of their right hearts. The biblical picture of this was the day future king David was anointed. Not initially considered for the invitation by his earthly father, David was tending to sheep- his father’s business. A world without social media alerts and instant feedback, David didn’t know he was the reason for the entire experience. Nor did the other human beings in attendance. One by one, David’s brothers were passed in front of the prophet and rejected by God for THIS assignment. It wasn’t the stunning and good-looking one. It wasn’t the next in line in their father’s lineage. It was young David. Not a mature David. Not the Goliath slayer (yet) David. It was young shepherd boy David. David smelled like sheep. It didn’t stop the anointing. God chose David because of his heart. We would later read and celebrate David because he was a man after God’s own heart. This was the same David that was passed over at his own party.

In 2015 we are often deceived by crafty, well thought out, and methodically organized words. After the hamster wheel of “nope”, “not you”, and the proverbial “haven’t I heart this already”, right words can be music to bruised ears. I am reaching here, but I believe both men and women are tired of both itching ears and bruised ones. Bruised ears have been abused with lies, fluff, and the noise pollution that comes from empty plotting people. (Subsequently, it could also come from negative news, social media, and strangers trapped in the friend zone that will never surface in a genuine light because it’s just not in them.) Right words can sound like a soothing balm…unless they are coming from someone with the wrong heart. My words are heavy, but my message is clear.

Your words could be mere lip service if your heart isn’t pure. If your motives aren’t pure, your heart is tainted with schemes, malice, or even disdain. Some people mean you no good. They simply are after what God is doing in you during a particular season. IS this FOR everybody? You can be the judge of that. My message is simply this: watch what you allow in. Filter your existence. Satan was an angel at one point, he knows word too.

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life

Reflections with a cape…

I re-read my first year’s worth of blogs (yay, for growth!). I can honestly say, it was a great time to see some of those words again. The impact was undeniable, especially when you encounter words like these:

“Never assume the strong are invincible.”

There is no real super man/woman/girl/boy on earth. I, like many others enjoyed watching the popular television shows, cartoons, and movies that depicted the super heroes in their various spotlights. We are familiar with being able to leap tall buildings in a single bound as a trait of a super hero, but I’d like to submit an addendum. “Able to pray through battles and before complaints,’ as a champion trait. 

Strong doesn’t mean invincible nor is it impossible. It does however speak to an overcomer. No one has ever been deemed strong without first showing some sign. 

 

My prayer right now is for the renewing of those who grow weary from being strong. You do not labor in vain. Stay the course. I love you, and so does the Master Coach! 

Ivy Out

 

 

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life

Your gifts will make room for you…

In a lot of ways, our lives and our schedules are a reflection of how we see ourselves. The choices that we make usually determine the things we do. When we overbook ourselves, jumbled rushing thoughts are usually present. When we de-clutter our minds…usually we de-clutter schedules as well. Sometimes, we have to put everything down….

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I often try to figure out which gift should be in the spot light in this season. I’m not sure if I am alone in this, or not. I have been blessed to be both gifted and talented in many areas. The Father is strategic in His gift giving. I have always had a nack for speaking, writing, and singing, crafting (or almost anything art-sy), dance, and leadership. Obviously, the performance arts usually garner a lot of attention because they can be easily observed. The others have to have a platform. In church, I have sang in choirs and praise teams, taught classes, choreographed and lead praise dancers, coordinated programs, manned a prayer post as an intercessor, and even had deep theological conversations with my childhood pastor (Reverend Ronnie Linden) with my biblical curiosities. (I was the kid that complained because I would have to die and the Lord called at least two men up to heaven without having to experience death. Now…two men also have to return during the last days…the book of Revelations shut my complaint down!) I would get done with one project and move to another. It never seemed consistent. Quite annoying, it really is, to never really feel cohesive and focused. I would excel and then switch. 

My work life, much the same. I have worked at a supervisor at a parking facility, branch manager trainee of a HMAC company, freelance make up artist, teacher, cashier, graduate student (yes, that is work) and for free – I dream. 

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Seriously, this pattern-less existence used to irk my nerves. BADLY. Today, however, things began to make sense. It was only when I stepped back and allowed God to be God and lead, that the dots began their connection journey. Each job had deposited an experience or lesson I needed to learn. Each different place also connected me with people I would have never met otherwise. Without the experience of ABC then XYZ wouldn’t be possible. (Ha! Never imagined algebra would come in handy!) Although, I still can’t ever tell you what I should focus on, I know to ask God and WAIT. 

I think the word WAIT is the most feared four letter word ever created. WAITing means there is no immediate gratification or confirmation. WAITing means actually TRUSTing God. You know, the verb – something you do. Today’s client (with my make up artist hat on) was a joy to be around. Additionally, she brought her sister with her. An equally awesome joy, she is a valuable person to have met. In the time it took for my bride-to-be client to pose for a few cell phone pictures, I discovered that the sister is a business consultant. Both are active in ministry, and one in fitness, and we have a lot in common. What an amazing experience to be in the presence of purpose driving women. Although no true heavy conversations commenced, because we discovered we could talk for hours, I can’t wait to see what God does with this new connection/network. 

I would love to give you some pristine formula for trusting God and knowing what to do next. The only thing I have for you is the following: 

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“Trust is a Verb”

Take a deep breath, ask, listen, wait, then let your actions = obedience. 

IVY OUT

Categories
life

What if…

Earlier this week, while reading my Nehemiah Bible Study, I was hit by a sentence. I posted my reaction on Facebook in the form of a question. This week I leave that question with you: 

“What if your knee-jerk reaction was to trust God?”

I am not jeering at anyone. I am training myself to build the discipline of “praying first, not in reaction to”. I doubt highly that every believer is at the same stage in their walk with Christ. However, ponder for a second, what would be different in your life, and those you are connected to, if your first reaction was to trust God?

 

IVY OUT

Categories
life

Book Review of Velvet & Where I am…

Click Here To Get VELVET I am so grateful to know Holly Charles. She has penned a very personal account of what a lot of women, especially in the cultures where dark skin was shunned, can relate. While I am of a lighter complexion, it may be really think about the difficulties that have come because of the way I looked. She also takes you through a very retrospective look between mothers and daughters. Their sacrifices, their pain, their particular kind of love, and the resolution of a generation in forgiveness. This book was crafted, not written. Its diction and imagery allowed me to envision this as if it was a movie being played on my eye lids. Click on the link, order VELVET, read it, then let me know if you agree! I loved it. Read it in the equivalent of 4 hours! Kudos to Charles! I need another book ASAP!

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This place that I am in… I truly feel like there is something uniquely familiar about it. Only, this time, I really don’t know what comes next. I started off the year being excited to come out of a funk. Then I realized yesterday that the feeling of isolation is back. The “I don’t really fit in anywhere”. I look around and there are only a few around me. I know, I know, sometimes that’s best. But the human, the woman, even the little girl inside sometimes wishes it were different. I keep telling myself, TRUST IS A VERB. It’s not something you say, it’s something you do. I have been attacked in dreams, in person, and to some extent, by my own thoughts. However, When the heat is done… I will emerge like pure gold. 

So lets talk about the properties of pure gold. AURUM. It’s very soft alone. (hence it is often with other metals) It’s been known for at least 5,500 years. Gold is the MOST malleable of all metals known. Gold is a good conductor of heat/electricity and won’t tarnish when exposed to air. (facts pulled from http://education.jlab.org/itselemental/ele079.html) How interesting. It’s not that I won’t go through the heat, I’ll use it. It’s not that I won’t be exposed, it won’t tarnish me. I will still need others, that is where the strength will come. I will first always need God, I am bent without him. I will be able to work well with others. No matter how attractive I may become, I will also serve as a setting for the jewels that God places in my life. 

SYMBOLISM has always meant so much to me. Today, I value the covering and the people in my life who encourage me. I didn’t have the sense enough to ask for some of the relationships I have inherited. However, I thank God for them. These key people are obviously my alloys in this season. They are strengthening me. I will always need allies, and I consider them closer than friends. We were not created to walk alone. So in this season when I don’t fit in, its good to have people who will see through the invisibility cloak I feel and smile at me. 

 But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tried me, I shall come out as gold. – Job 23:10 (ESV)

 

Ivy Out

 

Categories
life

Mental Attacks….

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Sleep is supposed to be peaceful, right? Rest is good for your body, blah-blah-blah.

I don’t really mean that, I just need you to feel my sarcasm though the blog. (insert hilarious giggle) Last night, I had another nightmare. In this nightmare, There was an evil presence in my house. I couldn’t say “JESUS”. It wouldn’t leave my lips. So on the inside I screamed it. I almost rolled off my bed (or that’s the feeling I had). I ended up downstairs and stuff was wrong. For a moment, I was paralyzed with fear. Then I remembered something. We have authority to tell the enemy to flee! That’s when the tables turned. Not only did I say Jesus, I told the enemy to LEAVE MY HOUSE. I was very specific. 

I said all of that to say this to you, YOU HAVE AUTHORITY!! When you feel attacked, speak the WORD. Jesus overcame satan’s attack by speaking the word of God. You too can speak the word and demand that the enemy flee. 

Attacks will come, but you don’t have to crumble in fear. Stand on faith and speak the truth. 

 

Ivy Out

Categories
life

Will the REAL Andonnia PLEASE STAND UP!

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Good googly-moogly (yes, googly-moogly).

This quarter of 2013 has handed me my pride, my scars, my war wounds, and my struggles on a silver platter with a smelly stinky heap.

I can remember approaching my birthday with gratitude and then with a sense of awe. I was surrounded by lots of amazing people, abundance seemed to be at hand, and I just felt good. THAT probably ended there. The next two and half months came with direct slams at ME. I am very hard on myself when I know what I am capable of, I venture to think most are. Let’s just say, when I needed to stand tall I fumbled. Then doubt set in. After doubt was numbness. . . then temptation. If I never saw that pattern before, typing it helped it seem familiar to me. First the enemy drew me away from my communion with God by blocking the new pattern I had: Worship and Praise, ask, thank, Worship and Praise, repeat.

Man, O, Man I snapped an angry parent at a football game. I was looking for graphic representation of what happened, I can’t really get graphic without offending, so imagine. I pushed horrible thoughts in my mind about not being good enough, then justifying “slipping”. You know “slipping”, when you have been doing well at something and then allow yourself to backslide. Not only do you mentally allow it, but you make it ok in your heart. You tell yourself things like, “I’m human” and the ever present “God knows my heart”. Dear hearts, God is a jealous God who does know your heart. HE knows what you are capable of and what He created you for. Please know that there is always a way out and/or a consequence. 

After the temptation rises, it doesn’t bow down easily. The only thing that kept me afloat is the split second clarity to ask God for help. I cried out to JESUS, audibly in most cases. I asked Him to stop me because my self control was gone. Every time, He stopped it. EVERY TIME. Would you also like to know that the guilt was worse than the temptation? I was still allowing the enemy to harass me. Allowed. The quicker I got back to worship, the quicker he would flee. I had to will him away, to command him to flee, on purpose. While I was in the flux state that allowed me to justify my flesh, I didn’t want different. It’s an awful place. There is no peace in that place. Your mind is constantly going and never really arriving to any conclusions worth having. 

As I now look back, I also know that God allowed me to share my weaknesses with a few people who were key in reminding me who I really was. They heard me, without beating me with the Bible, and reminded me of how big and forgiving God was. I thanked them for not  painting me red and hanging me in the town square. Vivid picture isn’t it. Sometimes that’s how we treat people who come to us broken. Thankful that God is not like man. Instead of public exposure, I received private encouragement. I am in a much better place spiritually. It made me sing, it made me write, it made me pray a little differently. In hindsight, I was in that funk – which affected my funds, my choices, my emotions, my relationships, and my sanity – a lot longer than I needed to be. Sometimes you are looking at the answer and refuse to use it. 

 

I thank God for his mercy. 

 

I share now to help anyone else who has felt publicly humiliated for weakness. We ALL fall short (Romans 3:23), and I embrace you in love right now. Know that God loves you, even in that stuck place. He’s available to you NOW. There are people in your life who will encourage you, right where you are. Hi, I am Andonnia….I need grace too. Let’s get up together.  

Categories
life

Not a Name Tag

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So, I was having a conversation tonight with “Pastor Roo”, who is a man of the cloth and Omega Psi Phi, at the 429. It
was invigorating to us both to see a theatre of 20 and 30 something’s on fire for God. Openly. Then this happened:

Me to others: “you sure you know Jesus?”
Them to me: (arms folded in b-boy stance) yup
Me thinking: …you don’t act like it

…while acting all of this out, I said the following, “some people wear “Christian” like the name on their Walgreen’s badge.”

WOW. Seriously. Even as children we are taught to show how we feel. If you’re happy and you know it… (You can probably finish that) clap your hands. If you are Christian and you know it, then you really ought to show it.

Psalms 107:2 – let the REDEEMED of The Lord say so. The bought back. The purchased. We have been claimed by our kinsman redeemer – Jesus- the least we could do is “show some sign”.

A favorite of mine, Matthew 5:16 tells us to let our light shine! Someone is looking for the beacon that will lead them home. Someone is waiting for you to take off the badge and put on the life. What has Christ done for you? Tell someone. Live Redeemed. Not perfect, redeemed.

Ivy Out

Categories
life

Writing for a miracle or at least clarity…

How many times have you started a writing project, only to scrap all of your brainstorming? It wasn’t even worth recycling. I forget how taxing the gift of writing can be when you aren’t in a “writing mood”. It’s almost like the weather, sometimes you feel like being outside. However, in the midst of Texas heat, sometimes you don’t. 

Today was interesting. I over think most of the time. Attempt to break down things to get to the simple core so that mental digestion is easier. I look for connections and patterns, links, and clues. Today, right now, I exist. I am in this place where God is leading and I am following. I trust Him. I have no idea what this next season holds, I just know it finally feels different. It isn’t the impending birthday that fast approaches, or the new decade that it brings. It isn’t any sudden health changes, or weeks of the month differences. It genuinely feels different. 

I am holding on to the One, I Am that I AM. I know that I am putting effort, thought and breath into living the best life I can live. I worship, praise, pray, read, study, and journal. I give – time, talent, and money. I deduce only this: the rain soon come. 

 

Living in GREAT expectation, 

Ivy Out

Categories
life

Relationships: students, tutors, and teachers

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Yesterday in my car, as I often do, I began some heavy thinking. The forty-five minute drive that I make calls for some good music and lots of heavy concepts. 

I was in somewhat of an introspective mood when the following analogy came to me:

  • A student can’t teach because they are occupied with learning.
  • A tutor can assist because they have grasped the concepts, but they aren’t solely responsible for disseminating new information.
  • A teacher is responsible for seeding and planting new information into students and tutors. They are given this responsibility because they have the curriculum.

Now it can be translated and inserted into several scenarios, but I was thinking about relationships. Two people who are learning the same lesson can neither teach nor tutor each other. They are two blind people walking closely together for protection and safety. Some of us have learned from certain lessons, and now they don’t repeat in our lives. From this standpoint, you might be able to tutor someone in a lesson you’ve already learned. You do this with caution and understanding if you are humble enough to remember how it felt to grow through that lesson. The teacher, is the only one who knows exactly how, what, and when. The teacher in a relationship is GOD. If you attempt to teach what you don’t know, you are just talking a lot of crap. People have learned, through creative writing and flowery analogies, to dress up crap. I don’t care how bad you want to be the expert in your personal relationship, God knows more than you. Now yes, I am studying marriage. Yes, as an occupation I will help fortify marriages and couples. Yes, I read books, but GOD is the ultimate teacher. He gives increase to what we plant. 

So don’t confuse tutoring with teaching. That Holy Spirit nudging in your spirit is the guide that is warranted. No, you don’t always get your way, what teacher does that? Not one. Teachers have autonomy in their classrooms, they control the ebb and flow. 

Puts a different spin on learning, doesn’t it?