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life

Uncommon silence

The week I have had is not close to common. However, this is “uncommon me”….(cue song by Isaac Caree) “. However, sometimes I feel the need to reach out…to anyone I trust for comfort. The reality is…often times that reach is in vain. For no other reason except one: the one I should call on…I did. I should stop there.

This isn’t a “low post” or a jab at my loved ones. I realize that some things I only need to say to God.

Have you had that moment? When your cum-ba-ya audience is God alone and it’s a-ok… Once you realize it, recognize it, and relate it to your mountain top (not a valley)… You smile again.

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life

SAMUEL SIFTERS

Short because of transition, heavy because of worth….

Don’t get so hung up on the outside that you anoint the wrong stuff.

Remember the little story of Samuel’s trip to the house of Jesse? It’s not because you look good, smell good, have great statue… When GOD chooses, He evaluates the heart. It’s time for some open heart surgery. CLEAN IT UP!

I may be “unfinished”, but GOD still counts me worthy. Be careful whose lens you view “folk” through. In all if Jesse’s sons… The chosen was DAVID. Who’s lineage wasn’t blue blood… Who was still a boy at the time… The anointing precedes appointed time… We are first CHOSEN….

Did I loose you?

Simply put… See people inside out!

…like Pastor Johnson said at the end of “The Draft”… Everyone who is anointed will be attacked… The wheat is always sifted…

More to come!

Ivy Out

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life

SDSUTN: “Sit Down, Shut Up, & Take Notes” – Tyron McDaniel

ImageIt’s interesting that when I stop and talk to God about all that’s going on… then shut up… He begins to show me that He’s kept me all along. 

The past two weeks were difficult. Not unbearable, but difficult. I repeatedly ask Daddy to give me strength and help me complete this assignment so I can move on. I know there is a chance that He might need me to stay, but that hasn’t been revealed to me yet. In the midst of this, I was elevated in several areas. I worked very hard this weekend, but I was doing something that I loved. I have a service business… MUA… service is my life. It not only brought extra funds, but it allowed me to be instrumental in two ladies’ joyous occasions. You can’t know how that makes me feel. It’s amazing. To see that you’ve contributed to a blessing for someone. While leaving the last wedding reception for the evening, and running into people who remembered me before I remembered them, I got notification that a friend of mine had finally published her first magazine. The work that God gave her was now up for public display. Even more special, she’d asked me months ago to be a feature in the magazine. So my first magazine feature was a part of her premier project. Talk about blessings! EVEN MORE SPECIAL THAN THAT: I got to give honor to God and three key mentors in my life. 

I am full of joy right now. Not because everything is great on all areas (though we speak this year lack will be a figment of my imagination not my present reality), but because God is blessing me in-spite of what it looks like. (or feels like)

If you TRUST Him. . . If you BELIEVE in Him. . .If you SUBMIT to Him… You’ll have a testimony too!

Ivy Out

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life

Hi, My name is Ann-DON-knee-ah.

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Yesterday came to a sweet end at my ministers-in-training class at church. I discussed something with a leader I respect, and figured out that I wasn’t alone in my “feeling”. Now, while I am learning not to put so much stock in feelings, I know they have purpose. Someone called me “Minister” at church, and because I know this person, my retort was: “my name is Andonnia”. I wasn’t attempting to be insolent, or rebellious, but I serve because it’s who I am. I am also not licensed or ordained, yet, and when that comes…I’m still Andonnia.

When I was in elementary school: I led groups and projects.

When I was in middle school: I attended a leadership academy(program) for three years, lead at my section in choir, led groups and projects, worked as an office worker, one of the lead organizational fundraisers, winner of Miss. FTA, and was president of an organization by 8th grade.

When I was in high school: I led a section in choir, worked in offices, led groups and projects,  went to leadership workshops, won oratory competitions, won a pageant, worked for the chamber of commerce, worked as a youth ambassador to a refinery, got published in a few anthologies, was the highest officer in my drill team, started and choreographed a praise dance team at church, led youth at my church, sang at funerals for family, participated in at least five organizations at school.

When I was in college: I was in as many as 9 organizations at one time, I founded a service organization that is still in operation, Was president of two organizations, vice president of a counsel, I was the student representative to a presidential event a couple of times, I planned campus wide diversity programs, worked for my sorority, sang in the oldest collegiate gospel choir in Texas, wrote my first manuscript, and mentored at least 10 people.

When I got out of college: I asked my Ast. Pastor (while in Florida), why I couldn’t find a shadow. I was tired of leading. I didn’t want the titles or accolades, the responsibility or criticism, I only wanted to help people. I realized that my life will be one dedicated to God’s people, but for once I’d like to know what it’s like to lead from the back. Guess what. I’ll never know that because LEADING doesn’t happen from the back.

I have to suck up some things as it relates to that attitude. This inward feeling projected outward. I won’t shy away from opportunities that allow me to serve God’s people because it goes lockstep with my purpose. BUT, I will always and forever JUST BE ANDONNIA. You can add what you want to the titles and name changes ;), but I am an imperfect young lady growing up to be a champion God chaser. He knows ALL my faults and still sees me worthy to make Him smile.

Humbled,

Ivy Out

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life

Helping those who don’t want help

Family, I’m frustrated. When your a Helping hand to those who don’t value your help… Puffy cheeks and prayers…

Ivy Out

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life

I love my PARENTS!

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Over the course of this weekend I have spent pure quality time with my parents. Not that I have never spent time with them. This time was different.

Although I hate the reason that brings them west of Houston, I love the unfiltered time. I can admit that I was distracted from homework, I really didn’t text as much, I even watched tv with them. God knows I don’t watch much television. (Let alone the programing they find entertaining.) It was the sheer presence of being in the same living space as them. My parents are interesting individuals. The don’t follow some of the principles that I’ve recently been exposed to. I’m not sure they had a value statement or core values chart for our family, as I am still scratching my head to create my own.(but) My parents are genuine, warm, loving people. They are honest and very open with me. 

As the oldest of two, I have heard many of the things that I did wrong and right over the course of this weekend. I have also heard wisdom concerning many things that I will encounter in life. What I valued most: the walk around my neighborhood. My parents are both healing: one from a back surgery and it’s complications and  the other, shoulder surgery and current back treatment. The got up relatively early on Saturday and walked my neighborhood with me. No complaints, and with a cane in hand, we shared a moment in health together.  I loved it. I can deposit this memory and add it to a random visit to a pet adoption event. I didn’t have the pleasure of taking the black lab that I fell in love with home… but I was there with my parents. 

 

This weekend I fell asleep with my face in my textbook on the floor of my living room. Not two feet away were, you guessed it, my parents. I cooked dinner for them. My mom, as she always does, found something to clean. My dad, found his favorite television show at 10:30, Perry Mason. It felt great. I miss them when they are gone. I realize how I took family time for granted as a child. 

I would give this time up for no one. This is priceless. God blessed parents with children. Children are blessed by parents. The relationship is reciprocal. 

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life

When thinkers, think and minds link

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I went to “Club Starbucks” (the 24/7 location in the Galleria area of Houston) and I stumbled into a 2 hour conversation with a friend and total strangers. It was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING! We were all joined by a driving force, how to define a commonly used term. Now, the fact that individuals often put words into heavy rotation that they can not define is common place. This unlikely bunch: two undergrad students, a nurse (HBU alum?), two friends who have masters degrees, and an accomplished businessman turned non-profit owner, began a conversation attempting to accurately define the word “thirst” and ended up speaking about SO many other things. We talked about the fact that desires are insatiable, we clearly separated thirst from stalking or when it becomes a problem, and we unleashed some feelings I didn’t know I harbored for a old popular TV show, Family Matters. 

The popular character Steve Erkle, played by Jaleel White, was called a friend to character “Laura”. My rebuttal was that they were never friends. My argument was that Steve did everything he did for Laura out of love for her. He had an obsessive stage love that I believe Dr. Gary Chatman mentions in the 5 Love Languages. Only, because this was a scripted television PROGRAM, it lasted longer than two years. Laura used Steve and played on the fact that he would do anything for her. After he moved on to his relationship with the character “Myra”, Steven became and object of affection for Laura. She was jealous. How could his affection be turned to someone else? Her annoyance was now someone else’s affectionate boyfriend. She began to desire not Stefan, but Steve. Eventually, they ended up together. This actually gives the perception (because I am a sociologist) that even if the relationship is unhealthy… I can continue to give and give and they will come around. This is a problem. All of this from the concept of “thirst”. There are natural born givers and conceptual or purpose driven givers. The latter are people who give to get. These people hurt people to get to a goal… that’s a blog for a different day. 

I met new people and spoke of sociological themes, theology, and relationships without anyone getting upset, not hurt feelings, and we didn’t all agree on everything. It was the fuel I needed to move into this new season of my life. 

Tomorrow, 1.14.2013, I am officially a doctoral student. One day, I will get paid to expose people to think… but I will do THAT for free. 

 

Ivy Out

 

 

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life

Jesus is my Gray…

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All My Life: I have admitted that I had no gray area. I was a strait forward, black and white perspective holder. There was either hot or cold. Lukewarm didn’t sit well with me, consciously. However, as I type this, I remember things that I have done in my life that didn’t line up with the Bible’s black and white. The Bible does say that no one can serve two masters (Matthew 6:24), as well as not being Lukewarm (Revelations 3:15-16). My gray area was measured disobedience.

I knew that growing up, certain things you didn’t do. Your parents, grandparents, church members, pastors, even friends shed light on the “do’s and don’ts”. The problem was, I said stuff like, “I’ll do it when I get older”. (am I the only one who will admit that?) I was saying I would live right when I got older. I didn’t want the responsibility or the challenge. (This was very bad thinking.)

I was the good girl who was made fun of for being a good girl. I tried to do things, in both high school and college, to push the envelope. Nothing permanent, but I wanted to have fun too. CAN YOU SAY BACKFIRE? It never worked. NEVER. I got into trouble with my parents, once with the school for a dress code violation, and most of all, I was disappointing my Heavenly Father. Let me also add, it was NEVER worth it. ::GRACE::

The Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost never left me. They were not the intermittent gap filler for the convenience of my perspective, but my Bridge Over Troubled Water. For a new age spin on that, I submit the words of my former mentor/professor Dr. L. Alex Swan, They got into the water with me and helped me fix the waters.

I am so grateful that I wasn’t discarded because of my thoughts, actions, and consequences. PEOPLE throw PEOPLE away but GOD does not. Let’s ponder that. You mean to tell me, since the servant will never be greater than the Master, that certain flesh folks have the gall to do what the Lord will not?! Yes. I do believe once they are convicted of the Holy Spirit, they will reconsider, but I know it happens. The flesh is judgmental. It is. You can say out of your mouth, “don’t judge me” and it does ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for the other person’s thoughts as they evaluate based on their experiences. Yes, we are all sinners, but we have not all experienced the same things. It is within THAT vein that value judgements are placed.

We have got to get better, yes we – includes ME, at forgiving and being accepting of the person. The behavior doesn’t have to be accepted. But do you remember Jesus breaking bread with the tax collectors? They were not the company that the religious leaders favored, but in love Jesus could accept the PERSON. Conversion never happens out of popularity. The greatest commandment, commands us to love God and love people. When we actually get to that…what a world this will be!

Ivy Out

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life

Agape

Often people quote 1 Corinthians when it comes to love. Today I want to talk about a Mark 15 love. Agape love. The love of God. Jesus endured what I know I couldn’t have even considered. He didn’t do it because we deserve so much. He didn’t do it because we could offer enough to pay for our salvation. As a matter of fact, WE WEREN’T A CONCEPT YET!

When you consider loving someone that you feel hurt you, maybe was mean to you, or even a stranger, think of Mark 15. Mark’s gospel account of the crucifixion of Christ. You can do it, simply because Jesus was the example. He died and rose so we could love. Amen?

Ivy Out

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life

I thought the next blog would be…

I thought my new blog would be about yesterday’s blog but I have something more important to say. 

 

You discover so much of yourself through genuine conversation with others. Difference does separate us in theory… but not in kind. We all have hearts that beat, minds that matter, and brains that function. Be the change you seek. Gandhi was on to something!