Author: Andonnia

Tomorrow I will hit the stage for Black Girl Mixtape (Click Here) and it will officially be my fifth speaking engagement this year.

Insert lots of emotions right -> HERE<- Humility. Gratitude. Disbelief.

Why? Because I prayed for it. I asked God to speak more and preach at least once. By the first quarter of 2018, God had come through with invitations. Seriously. I started the year speaking at the 2017 NYE Brunch by The Woman’s Earth while still on a high from the 2017 Self Love Retreat. I loved that God poured into me and then allowed me to pour into other women. So… I asked for more of it. L I S T E N (see this “listen” as an Andonnia exclamation point)!

What does this have to do with you? LOTS.

I share because I want you to pray intentional prayers. BE SPECIFIC. Then expect an answer, direction, guidance, and BE PATIENT. Notice I didn’t say PRAY FOR PATIENCE… I learned a very valuable lesson the last time I did that. That’s a DIFFERENT blog.

Start NOW. Intentionally pray. Pray God’s Word and His Will. This is important. If I didn’t’ know the will of God for my life was pouring into women and children, I would never pray for that. If you don’t know what your purpose is… PRAY for THAT to be revealed. He is still answering prayers. I am a living witness.

If you are in the Houston area (or can get here quickly), would love to see you/meet you/hug you at Black Girl Mixtape tomorrow.

Prayed Up,

Ivy Out

There are times in our lives when we question our own strength. There are challenges that rise up, seemingly, as insurmountable obstacles. While I may only have graced this earth for thirty-four years, I can share my experiences with anyone willing to receive them. The hardest challenge that I’ve faced is losing my SUPER-Dad. Now, for those new to this narrative, my SUPERDad (step-dad for those who use that term) was a superhero. Three years ago TODAY he had two strokes, was life-flighted to St. Luke’s in the medical center in Houston, and underwent brain surgery. That same day, the surgeon -with ZERO bedside manner, told us that he didn’t think my father would make it after surgery. HE DID.

That was the beginning of a 43-day journey to May 7, 2015, when the Lord ultimately called my SUPERDad back home. It hurts like hell, still. There are things I wish I could call and tell my daddy. There are times I just want to lay in his arms and smile because he always smiled. There are award and accolades I wish I could share, programs I want to invite him to, holidays I wish I could still share, but I can’t. Not in a physical sense. I do know that my father watches over me, but there are times when it’s harder to digest that he is physically gone.

This isn’t a bait and pull. I ‘m transparent. It’s my way of life. I am hurting today. However, I also rejoice because I know where Daddy is. I pull every smile, selfie saved, and memory cherished during moments like these. I remember wisdom he shared with me. I remember the last time he told me he was proud of me. And finally, I recall what I promised him. I promised him that we would be ok. That I would take care of my mom and my brother. I will continue to live out that promise. So even in my pain, I remember the gold lining that my day left imprinted on my life. He was gold. He was light. He is my angel.

If you are grieving ANYTHING that was relevant and special to you, please hear this:

1. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for your grief. It’s not cookie-cutter, and it doesn’t fit into a neat package. If it becomes something that is too heavy to bear alone, please seek therapy. It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you, it means you’re smart enough to get a “spotter” for the “weight”.
2. Moments come, let them. You don’t get over these moments, you get THROUGH them.
3. The good times are stronger than the ones that hurt, you can carry those anywhere you are.
4. You are not alone. God, Your support system, and me… you’ve got all of us. As much as we drive ourselves to isolate during these times, too much isolation is actually bad. When in doubt, reach out.
5. You are loved. More than you can know or ignore – YOU ARE LOVED.

I hate to have these messages to share, but I love that I can share them. I freely express myself because someone might not have the strength to. We will heal. We are healing…moment to moment.

IVY OUT

What does it mean, L O V E?

It is a condition of the heart and of the mind. Love is a concept bigger than humanity, but we are gifted daily with the opportunity to experience it. Love is brilliant and mysterious, and perplex, and multi-dimensional. Love is a breeze in springtime and the sunlight in a cold winter. God is love. God’s love is sacrificial and unending, it’s full of grace and forgiveness. When one who is a believer looks for a standard to follow, it shouldn’t be people, movies, or myths, but God. Humans err. It’s innate in our nature. We rise and fall like the ebb and flow of the waves, but God is everlasting. He is infinite and vast. Our understanding will never be His understanding though we seek to enlarge our mental composition with His help and grace.

We are approaching a season where love is commercially celebrated. Do not mistake that sentence for an arrow or shade. While I highlight the fact that it is when stores, shop owners, jewelers, and restaurants hike up prices and promote sales all in the name of love, I enjoy the season when love is on display. I am a believer in the sentimental things that come from building a relationship and knowing someone. Knowing if that person likes mixed chocolates with mystery cream, all in the name of having a gift (lol, I do not like mystery chocolate). Or even if that person wants to be a part the Valentine shuffle at all, because some people don’t (I do 🙂 ).

I love LOVE. Literally. I love the idea and concept of ceremonially drawing attention to those whom you feel an unremarkable affection for. Furthermore, I celebrate those who CHOOSE love daily. There is a difference between being in a relationship for default reasons (public commitment without private effort, business agreements code name marriage – when the covenant is missing, or even because you don’t want to be alone – ALL RED FLAGS) and those who are intentional about doing the work to sustain love after the feeling has faded. Did I lose you?

Love, the feeling, according to some research in a book I love -> The Five Love Languages , gives the max “falling in love feeling” two years. That means after that time frame, the rose-colored shades may fall off like the scales on Paul’s eyes after the Damascus road. Then, one must actively choose daily to be self-less in his or her relationship. If God is the model, there can be no selfishness. So, you must chose daily to communicate, care for, hear out, forgive, sacrifice for, provide for, nurture, respect, and honor the one you love.

During the month of February, I will highlight via video a few people who have who have endured and come out on top as it relates to love and marriage. The truth is, one can love even in tough times. As a matter of fact, I would argue that how you love when you don’t feel like it speaks to the depth of that love. I can only think of a million times that God could have withdrawn His love from me, but MERCY said NO!

Enjoy the days leading up to the public celebrations of love and the private ones that we can only imagine occur within the parameters of healthy relationships. Enjoy the holiday and the splashes of non-anatomical hearts, pinks, reds, purples, and whites glittered throughout stores, the love songs streaming the airwaves, and the reservations as they are made. Enjoy the standard of Love and the human journey to be more like Him. Then come over to the blog and enjoy the videos soon to thrill you!

In LOVE and crushing on my Valentine,

Ivy Out                        

According to some brief googling… the word grace is mentioned 170 times in the KJV of the Holy Bible. 170 reminders of what I need to exude in the 1,440 minutes of each day. If I got nothing else out of 2017, I was reminded that the Lord has extended a great deal of grace to me. I am also to extend that grace to others. The strongest acts of love and grace are to extend it to those who need it most.

2017 taught me A LOT. 🙂

Ivy Out

My final sister feature is Jai Pierre Raven. “How did God grow you in 2017?”

Mentally: God grew my mind with not only vision but the focus and stillness to listen and hear the divine messages to guide me as I walk in my purpose. I started offering meditation classes at my studio last year and while I was guiding my sisters in this practice on Saturday mornings, it became a process for me to be more intentional about my own meditations. Now, when I ‘hear’ the message, I do not second guess, I accept it and move forward trusting the process. At times, it can be scary but gratitude pushes me through to not be afraid to claim the blessings that are in store. Affirmation: My thoughts are divine and I will cancel the negative and accept the positive as my sacred compass.

Physically: My body went through some changes last year to say the least. I gained some weight and went up some bra sizes, lol. And then several months into the year, I lost some weight. I came to realize, just as I have a new God-given mind, I have a new God-given body. I found myself frustrated in the beginning of this transformation. Then, I had to self-check and accept I am one and all connected mind, body and spirit. This means as my mind changes so will my body and my spirit. I begin to appreciate my expanding curves and celebrated with a trip to Victoria Secret. It also made me more intentional with exercise and diet. I wanted to honor my new and beautiful body just the way I am. Affirmation: I am a beautiful vessel and I will take very good care of my body in all shapes and sizes.

Spiritually: Without a doubt, hosting my first Self-Love Retreat grew me spiritually. From seeing the vision, planning and creating a space for my Tribe to bond and support each other, each endeavor was one that was spirit-lead. Trusting the divine messages as I made decisions fortunately came with ease. The challenges arose when I had to make decisions that may have disappointed some people. I lean on the words of Oprah who said ‘You cannot live a brave life without disappointing some people’. The Retreat was the most beautiful and soul lifting experience I have ever had in my life. I am honored God chose me to nurture this movement. I feel so blessed to have my Husband support my every move and my Tribe by my side doing their amazing work. I am forever grateful for the Sisters who attended the Retreat and allowed spirit to move through them that weekend. I will never be the same. Affirmation: I am divine being creating sacred spaces and I will nurture and protect those spaces.

Love and Light,

Jai

 

There are times we can say with certainty, the enemy did XYZ. Then there are those times we know – OUTRIGHT – that the error was our own. A few blogs back, I admitted some of the choices I made in 2017 that were WRONG. Listen, I can own them now, as a mark of maturity. It wasn’t always so easy to admit that the pit I was in, was one I dug for myself. Childish, yes, but the reality is age isn’t an indication that childishness has been irradiated. We can detect that by how we react when we reflect. What is your default when you realize your choice should have been different? How fast do you bounce back? Do you reflect at all? What about repent? That turning away process is an entirely different blog…to come. I won’t be before you long because this sister had a lot to say. I need you to read every word. The blessing can come in the form of someone else’s lesson. ((See what I did there?))

2017 taught me to own my error and take the necessary action to change them…

Ivy Out

Today’s sister feature is Antoinette Staples. “How did God grow you in 2017?”

Growth

As I think back on my 2017, growth is one of many words that I would use to describe how God moved in my life. It was a year of stretching and learning. It was a year of setting boundaries, making sacrifices, and embracing change. God taught me how to find peace in my progress, perseverance in my process confidence in my in-between stages.  You know that weird space between here and there, between then and now, and between what was and what will be. Growth is sometimes the place that you can’t readily identify while it’s happening, but you know that it occurred because you are not where you used to be.

According to the world, growth is defined by “the process of increasing in physical size”. So considering this definition, I often had the misconception that in order to experience growth I needed to see the increase, I needed to see the bigger, the better, the more. While seeing increase is significant, it is not the ultimate reward. Through last year, God showed me that it is less about the increase and more about the process to get there. It is more about the work and intentionality behind the pursuit of my increase. Increase is what you reap once you have sown a little while, so in order to properly sow I had to learn what I needed where I was.

God showed me that there were some areas in my life that I had not yet been freed from. I distinctly remember one night in prayer God said something so profound to me. My prayer was not one of words, but it was one of tears. No words came from my lips and the emotions that flowed were wrapped in tears of defeat and discontentment. In that moment God spoke to my spirit, and said, “I have to let you go through this here, because where I am taking you, there won’t be any time for it there”. At 34 years of age, I had realized that I was still seeking acceptance and desiring approval, and at times it became very crippling and overwhelming.  Sometimes lack of support and unrealistic expectations of people can put you in that place. And although I thought I was beyond that, God allowed my broken and confused places to show me that I wasn’t.

So what did God show me about growth? He showed me that growth requires me to acknowledge my broken places so I can allow Him to heal and mend those spaces. God revealed to me that I had to accept my strengths and my weaknesses. God showed me in my growth that forgiveness is necessary, but so is setting boundaries. God showed me that Love is accepting, but it is not ACCEPTANCE – which means love is accepting of flaws, imperfections, and challenges, but it is not without correction and conviction (notice I didn’t say condemnation). God showed me that change is inevitable and the more I embrace it, the more I can learn from it. God showed me that sacrifice is being willing to let go of what I want for the short term, so I can have what God wants for me for the long term.

I won’t say that I figured it all out in 2017, but I will say that God has grown me in many places emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Last year I learned that I have not arrived, but the goal is not to arrive at all, it is to learn as much as God wants to teach me along the journey that leads to my destiny. God taught me that growth is all about my ability to expose my truth- good or bad, not necessarily to the world, but to myself and to Him. I’ve learned to say, “Less of me God and more of you”. That is real increase, and ultimately the best form of growth.

—

There’s nothing as satisfying, in 2018, like old school video games. Ok, there is, but you get the point. I remember playing Nintendo and Sega Genesis and getting really excited when I advanced to the next level. It never happened without some sort of battle. There was always tests of endurance and then an enemy that was guarding the exit of the current level and the open door to the next. In Mario Brothers, a victorious player would get to jump to the top of the flagpole and watch the points rack up as the victory song played. Well, life is like that game. There are spiritual levels and physical levels and career levels and relationship levels and… you name it… there are levels to this. I am grateful to have leveled up after 2017. It taught ME to put on the FULL armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18) to stand against the enemy and remember I fight FROM VICTORY not for it.

In 2017, I learned to armor up to level up.

Ivy Out

My next sister feature is Sheridan Labbé…”How did God grow you in 2017?”

Thinking about how God grew me is such a pleasant twist on revisiting the ups and downs of 2017. God grew me by allowing me to learn more quickly when faced with adversity and setbacks. Instead of lingering on a roadblock, failed attempt,  or what may have seemed like a “no,” I have instead been blessed with the wisdom of discernment and clarity. Although I know there will be more tests to come, I’m more grounded with each test. My outlook has changed when it comes to negative experiences and encounters. I listen and trust my intuition more, especially when allowing new people and energy into my space.

God has also grown me by causing me to ask myself,  “Why wouldn’t I be deserving?” For so long I felt like I have to complete steps A-Z to receive certain blessings, but God showed me another way to operate. I am deserving because I AM. No longer will I sit back and think “I have to do this in order to be worthy of that.”

In the most important way, God drew me to be authentic, not only for myself but with others. It’s easy to be authentic with yourself when you’re alone but being who you are 100% of the time, with no apologies, is a life I strive to live daily. So many people don’t grow comfortable with who they are until much later in life after spending decades of hiding behind others expectations and projections,  but God blessed me with a tribe of women who serve as a mirror to me to live authentically every day and in every way.

2017 was growth. 2017 was understanding the beauty in growth. 2018 Mantra: I am deserving because I am. Bloom & Prosper.

Sheridan Labbe

We are ELEVEN days into 2018. Can you believe it?? How are you doing? Are you still rejoicing and moving toward the goals you set? Don’t lose hope!

Blessings

Lessons

3 Letters that make all the difference.

B – Beneficial. Although we don’t always greet the lessons with open arms, because some of them are as comfy as thorns, they are always beneficial. They benefit us and those in our path that we will encourage from them.

I – Intentional. There is nothing haphazard or accidental about lessons. They aim for specificity. They very RARELY miss their mark. Lol

G – Grace. LISTEN. When we think of all of the many things God has done for us, then it’s easier to extend grace to others. Sometimes that’s taking the time to have the conversation where your lesson may be a blessing to someone else, paying kindness forward, or even a moment gratitude and worship.

2017 taught me to see the Blessing in my Lessons.

Ivy Out

Today I feature two sisters! Mrs. Desiree and Ms. Catheryn. Again, the questions is…how did God grow you in 2017?

Catheryn Kennard –
I believe I have goals and would like to continue growing and moving. In the past, I didn’t know what I wanted to do and stayed stagnant. No matter the pain I feel, I am still able to move forward for my daughters.

Desiree Ray – In 2017 grew me by taking me through a host of heartache and struggle completely alone. I thought I had people who cared and stood with me.  I’ve faced many of my high and lows with just me, and an occasional word of encouragement from my cousin. I learned I’m the strong friend. No one is reciprocal to the strong friend. I learned to own my pain and to be sincere with myself. God grew me by teaching me to deal with my pain and reminding me that it hurt,  but it’s not killing me. I have to process and if I’m not okay,  I’m not okay.  I must communicate the truth of myself. I’m allowed to be human too. I’ve rediscovered the value of myself to myself, and to cut out people that don’t fit is my right. I’ve learned to be honest with myself about the good and the bad… and to work THROUGH.  Work through is a huge requirement that few people choose. I have to be transparent and let the people who love me reveal themselves.

If you have heard me speak at any point in the past two years, you know I’ve been single for a while. (Insert clip about situationships… yall know about situationships. Don’t play. Laugh, I did…) I have dated my way, done what I wanted, tried to placate truth for desires, had sex outside of marriage, abstained for five years and then gave in again… yea, I’m THAT honest. After waiting for five years, I gave in – twice. I wasn’t loud about it, but I didn’t hide my shortcomings either. I kept waiting for the heavy break down that I had spiritually, in years past. When it didn’t come, I knew it was because of the condition of my spirit. I’d allowed frustration to cause me to do what was right in my own eyes. You know what, I had to go back to God and say… my way doesn’t work. Seriously, it never does. I kept thinking I could “help God”… He’s God, He doesn’t need my help.

I don’t mind being honest. People need to know that being a Christian isn’t about being perfect. Perfect died on a cross and rose after the third day, over two-thousand years ago. Perfect is not a human condition, but a state of divinity. The Lord allows us to strive for perfection, but not without human nature, choices, and in my case – lust. You see some thirst for other things. (Insert your vice, because we all have some temptation to fight…) Once I allowed myself to close that door, the one that said it was ok, and to surrender – again (because that is a never-ending process), then I could find peace in God again.

In 2017 I met new people, continued cycles with old ones, and finally had a breakdown about being single again. Right before my birthday. While my birthday event was BEAUTIFUL, it almost didn’t happen. I was turning 34…alone…again. Another birthday celebration I had to plan. Single people plan their own celebrations. My sister, Jai, caught me as I fell. We had a conversation and processed the fear that I had allowed to rise up. That’s when I decided that we were indeed going to celebrate. I was SOOO happy that I had that party. It was a breath of fresh air.

At the end of the month, I went to Jamaica with friends. I needed that get away. I needed to lay in that salt water and be still. I needed to listen to the waves and talk to Jesus. I needed to surrender – again. I did. What many people don’t know is that I’ve been on several dating sites. One of the side-effects of the constant pursuit of purpose/school/business/work/ministry/mentoring/creating…and anything else that rose up in my schedule is not having the social time to be seen (because he that finds a wife…right??). Men weren’t just coming up to me at church/grocery store/Target/gym…or anywhere else, so I hopped on after conversations with friends. It had been successful for them, so I gave it a shot. In 2017 the taboo about connecting online has faded because we communicate online so much. Hence this blog – a way to communicate across time and space. I had not been previously successful, but I do have stories to tell from my experiences. I had to turn off my profile while I traveled because apparently, I was attractive to the West Indian men that were on that particular site. I didn’t feel much like Stella, so when I returned to the US I turned my profile back on. Only, after that last surrender, I decided to get off of the site. Wouldn’t you know…there was one profile that I had seen before and I was led to connect before getting off for good. I am so grateful to God that I did. It was one of the best things that happened to me in 2017.

I originally didn’t connect because…well… of his tattoos. Or at least, that’s what I remember being a deterrent. Funny thing, I have tattoos. I’ve dated guys with tattoos before, but he has a lot. I judged the book by the cover until I opened the cover and began to dive into to the content. The substance that this King exudes is beyond what I prayed for. And, once he explained the meaning behind his tattoos, I saw it for what it is. Art. As an artist… you would think that’s where my mind would go first, right? Wrong, people in my past shaped what I saw/interpreted and I needed to be corrected. I stand corrected and I am smiling because of it today. Truly, I am humbled that God stopped me. I am off the site, but I am also in connection with one of the most amazing men I’ve ever met.

It took a hard surrender, an honest look at what my decisions allowed me to do, and a willingness to look at someone’s heart. It took healing, prayer, forgiveness, and being open to love again. Its possible to love after heartbreak. It’s possible to connect after the drought of singleness. God is still in the prayer answering business. I am grateful to be a witness to that.

In 2017, I learned to surrender to God’s way and allow love to rule.

Ivy Out

Next Feature: My Sis Brittney Wade. The question…How did God grow you in 2017?

Well, well, well! What a question for a year such as mine!

The # 523 comes to mind… Yes, this is my birth month and day, BUT unbeknownst to me, 523 has more meaning than the day that the world was blessed with me. In numerology, it represents new beginnings.  The number 523 came into vision at least twice a day- either it was the time 5:23, or an address, or part of a phone number.

This year was the first of many! B Exclusive Events coordinated its first wedding and curated a wonderful retreat. Not only was this my first experience planning a retreat, but my very first retreat in general. All firsts are not so glamorous, one has to take the good with the bad.

#Accountability. I had to acknowledge my weaknesses and address them. This is not my fondest moment but it was necessary for my growth. The Most High gifted me with the spirit of humility and I’m forever grateful.

I finally understand and can demonstrate LOVE… “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres”. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

At the end of the semester, many people post grades and testimonies. It’s a time to jump up and down and celebrate great grades and awesome effort, for some. Right now is not one of those times for me. Why did I lead with that? Because I don’t ever want to be unauthentic. I got my first C this semester, in graduate school. I had two classes and I got a C and an A-.

Let me tell you why I can still praise God…

The class I got the A- in, I originally took four years ago. When I first started my program, too green to be in this particular seminar, I took the class and ended up gracefully accepting the I. For those who are unfamiliar, that means incomplete. That incomplete meant I had a year to retake the course to remove that grade. The problem was that I wasn’t equipt for that class yet, my masters degree was in sociology. Therefore, I had to take leveling courses geared toward preparing me for the counseling coursework to come. In sum, I was able to register but didn’t possess the requisite information needed.

Honestly… almost five years into this program, I am tired of school. YES, this happens. It doesn’t just happen in high school or in undergraduate programs. I am HONEST. 99% of the time, you can catch truth like “these hands” aka urban threats commonly circulated on social media. While I use humor to lift the load, I am serious. 100% serious. (Throwing percentages around like NYE confetti.)

School is draining. Growth can hurt sometimes, you know? I’ve said this before, circa almost every other blog post, but ask a mother about pregnancy. The truth about it. The part that doesn’t show up dressed and primped for the baby shower. When I had some candid discussions with family and friends, pregnancy wasn’t so glamorous. However, no one regretted the life they were nurturing.

I don’t regret the doctoral degree, but this is the tough part. Close enough to the end to see an end in sight, and far enough away to realize I can’t snooze. I got an A- in a class I retook years later and I am grateful it’s no longer an I. I welcome the A-. I am grateful for grace.

The C was in research, insert your opinion *here*. Honestly, I still have work to do in that area, after taking the second research course in my program. I’m not defeated. Getting through the class means I can now work on the purpose that the class listed as a required course in the first place: the dissertation. My professor always said you learn research by doing, now I get to do. I get to sit down with him, other experts, graduates, and people who can see outside of my frame and work on the project set to launch my career. I thank God for this C too. It will be the last one I get… I have two classes left, the rest of my practicum hours, my comprehensive exam (*Insert dramatic movie theme music here*), and then my dissertation. I refuse to be ABD (All but dissertation), so I have to internalize learning when I don’t win. Let that settle in your spirit. Am I alone here? (No…no I’m not)

Lesson One that 2017 taught me… how to learn and live to tell about it. 

I will be sharing several posts about my growth moments in 2017 and share some lessons from some awesome sisters in my life. Stick with me… we will take greatness into 2018, together.

IVY OUT

Feature One:

Sis. Stacy – “How did God grow you in 2017”

Time for most will come with change. As for me, 2017 is the year of ignition. A few years prior I wouldn’t have ever imagined a life as such. I aimlessly wandered my world of pity, guilt, anger and resentment. Yes, I believed in God, yet he wasn’t my Lord. My spiritual growth was impeded by distractions. Friends, football tournaments and everything in between. Then all at once I was mentally and physically exhausted. I had to say ENOUGH! I asked myself, Did God bring you this far for you to live this?  It took me quite some time to get my life in order. I finally accepted my boyfriend’s proposal, set a date. I immediately went into my CLOSET for absolute concentration. I got on my knees and prayed for forgiveness, direction, and mercy. For the first time in my life, I finally accepted that belief and forgiveness are one in the same. I didn’t grow up in a household with God first. Sad to say at 43 there’s a plethora of God’s word that I don’t know although I will continue to grow in Christ as long as I have breath in me.