Author: Andonnia

What is it about someone else’s attention that makes one more attractive or desirable? 

Is there a link between your finding someone attractive and validation when someone else finds that person attractive? 

Will it take someone else to show attention for you to realize what you almost had? Or in the opinions of some, should rightfully have?

I don’t have answers to these questions. As I ponder the project that is seemingly going to take up a chunk of my dearest summer, I have been presented with some pretty interesting situations from those closest to me. I have personally inquired of God, and a few close individuals, about certain prayers. Have I stopped praying them? Ab-so-lute-ly NOT! I take the pray without ceasing scripture pretty seriously…and you should to.  I just have learned that paying attention to something doesn’t always require vocalizing, posting, or even writing about it. 

Shocking, right?

I value the thoughts in my head. If I wrote everything that I thought …. I’d probably be in trouble. Either for the truth, the content, or the timing of my thoughts. However the questions that opened this blog are for the public. Someone, ANYONE, please respond. I am really curious about those in particular. I have one more to add to the bunch:

What does it mean to love someone?

Chew on those…then respond….PLEASE (Insert batting eyelashes).

Ivy Out

It has really hit home that I will be writing this summer. I have already begun to dive back into the poetically prose mind of my younger self. A sister friend of mine, who is closer than close, has given me a preverbal kick in the hind parts.  She very rudely, yet with a smile, told me that I was going to finish my book this summer. I laughed, but I not only listened to her words, I heard her. She is the reason that my first book was published in 2008. I pulled up the draft that I began composing in 2008 as an “autoblog”. The more I read, the more I was compelled to find that voice again. I have grown in the years that have been celebrated since I started. My voice is different. I don’t know what experience has shaped my writing more, my master’s program, my doctoral program, my lack of serious romantic relationships, my closer walk with God, or social media. For whatever reason, the voice I read was pure. It was raw. It was imagery and alliteration, it was anything but narrative, but it’s tapestry took you to another place. I didn’t regard any writing style or formatting guide. It was steam of consciousness confession. I order to be there, I had to feel. I realize that now. I can’t just sit down and write. It is even evident in my blogs. When I write to appease a deadline *which I apologize for missing recently*, it’s not that good. I’m honest, you can admit it too. When I am led by feelings or emotions, or even revelation knowledge, you can feel my words. That means from now on, I have to give myself permission to feel. I can not be numb to my experiences. I have to feel through them. Then I can find that voice.

I know I’m right. I’ll just let you in on last night’s rant:

If my words vomited all of my feelings up on paper you would see an eclectic mix of adjectives and verbs intermingled with a level of uncertainty that I have yet to find useful. The only assurance for this time of morning sickness is its usually through prayer that the words even have a place to leave and go. Its only through dialogue with the Father that I am able to process, hear, heal, and praise. Ready. Set. Go.

I know now. That is why I’m back in this place, I have more to say. 

Have an amazing Sunday…and tell someone about my blog. I have a feeling, this is where it starts. 

“For I know the plans I have for you…” (Jeremiah 29:11)

May people can quote it, but how many people really trust it. I mean believers here…Bible reading, church attending, ministry serving believers. Often times when faced with “hallway” scenarios we start to stumble. Faith really is a muscle. When you don’t work it, it atrophies. Let’s look at it this way, when we get comfortable in a certain place and start eating the fat of the land…there are consequences. Is your faith obese? Have you started taking God for granted? Or is it weak? Have you forgotten who GOD is? Have you lost sight of the character of God, of what He’s done already?

I know I just lost ten followers with the truth. Sometimes we have to admit and confess our short comings. The key is to TURN FROM THEM. Do not wallow around with heavy faith that is comfortable and cushioned by the past. Mercy is new every morning, and there in an unlimited supply of grace, but even Jesus said there would be no miracles where there was a lack of faith (Matthew 13:58).

Here’s the simplest part of the whole ordeal. IF we KNOW that the Lord has plans to prosper us. We also KNOW that all things work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). Our schedules, calendars, next steps, careers, families, health, finances, and whatever else you want to entered concerning you and those whom you love, are COVERED.

Let that bring you peace when the world is crumbling around you. God is a MASTER at creation. That includes remodeling and clearing out the rubble. Amen?

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. – Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Ivy Out

Very often, the very thing I ask God for overwhelms me. I know humor is a human characteristic…but I truly believe that the Father has a sense of humor. Really, I do. I also know that He is sovereign and I am not. I am flesh and bones. That qualifies me for error. No one will ever have to remind me, I am aware of it every day. I am also aware that when I relinquish control, that I never really had, to the Divine King of Kings life seems to be more delightful. Life without God is not living…its hell.

Today I had a revelation while looking for peace. If I can’t find it, it usually means I’m already there. That means I have to adjust something within me to recognize it. Most of the time what’s required is a shift in perspective. Now that may be a simple combination of eleven words, but the reality is MACK TON TRUCK HEAVY. Why, you ask? Think about the last time you had a brain that was racing. INDY 500 thoughts zooming in front of your psyche at a million miles per minute. Nonstop configurations of to-do lists and unfinished business piling up like dirty laundry and colorful monthly planners. Now in this scenario, you are also juggling connections with people. Some connections feel awesome and comfy like a wool sweater on a cold day. Others, like the glass plate being juggled by a clown on a pogo stick, they bring angst. Now these are beneficial connections in transitional emotional places. Paired with the original image, you can imagine why peace is a goal. I mean, I am human. In ADAM ALL FALL. That’s why I am soooo grateful for the second Adam – Jesus Christ. Had the second Adam not come and provided grace, mercy, favor, saving, comfort, and direction, that picture of hectic chaos would be my final image.

But God.

I began to blast Christian music in my ears and quieting my mind by focusing on the word Jesus. In my mind I kept repeating the word Jesus. I needed to focus on the solution and not the problems. In reality, nothing that disturbed my peace really had power over me. I just forgot. I forgot who I was. I forgot what I had come through in the past. I forgot what I had already been strengthened to perform. I forgot how many seeds I’d already sown. Nothing I was stressing over was bigger than the ever present GOD that I serve. I was searching for peace, and it was all around me. I really just had to center my thoughts. Today, I had to talk it out. Once to my cousin, my prayer partner, my God-logic when I have these memory lapses, my fellow visionary. But even greater than that – I talked to God. Audibly. I got in a quiet place and talked to the One Who Saves. I gave Him the Word He left for me. I reminded myself that TRUST IS A VERB. Say it with me: TRUST IS A VERB. Within the hour, I began to notice that my chest was a little lighter. My breathing was little deeper. I read the Word earlier today, and my theology textbook, and it began to play in my head. JESUS IS THE CHRIST.

At the end of the day, I found my peace. It was already here, I just needed to focus on the right thing. (Have you ever tried to focus on a dot, far away, when your eyes were out of focus? It is not fun!)

Do you also need to shift your perspective? Let’s pray:

::Almighty God! You ARE love. You ARE greatness. You ARE ever present. You are the reason why we breathe. Lord, sometimes we forget to focus on You and not our confusion. Employ the Holy Spirit to comfort us when we lose sight of what’s important. Push the Paraclete to bring joy back to our remembrance. Remind us that the joy of the Lord is our strength. We trust You, Elohim. We rest in You. We love You and thank You. We leave this place lighter than when we came. Amen.::