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life

The other side of thirty…

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Greetings and Salutations,

I resisted the urge to do a year in review post, but not the need to apologize. I have been neglecting my blog. I have no excuses, I apologize to YOU. I have started and stopped countless blogs, they never survived long enough to publish. 

There is mutual respect for non-refundable time. Quite a lot has transpired since my last post. I officially became an aunt to a beautiful 7.4 pound beauty named LaMaya Janae. I didn’t know that my heart could over flow with love like it currently does. She is absolutely breathtaking. Funny sidebar, my mother said that she looked like me as a newborn. I now know the responsibility of that life as an aunt. To pray for her, become added protection for her, and to be there to teach her Word alongside her parents is a mighty job! I’m up for it!!

I also crossed into a new decade of life. The result: a more serious commitment to writing.  It seems like I am encouraged every time I personally battle with the quality of my work. My doctoral program challenges my intelligence and my academic ability to thrive. Even today during a conversation I was encouraged, and she has no idea how much that meant to me. 

I have really noticed the lack of desire to do certain things. They are seemingly harmless, however, that’s just not me anymore. I don’t feel compelled to explain it anymore, I just feel it when I’m not in the right environment. I am uncomfortable in certain situations that I used to enjoy. Maturity should come with warming labels like those represented in pharmacology. Growth, like love, takes prisoners without regard for preference. 

I love my God/Christ/HolySpirit, I love my family, and I am working on ME. Yes, I am still on the journey of self improvement. I’d love to tell you that the destination has a clear end point, but it doesn’t. I will continue working on me as long as God allows me to stay on earth. 😉 I am looking forward to the favor of God to overflow in my life. This is just the beginning. 

Good Morning, Good Day, Good Night!

Ivy Out

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life

Isolated in a room full of people

You would think that with all the people around you, that profess with their mouths to love JESUS, one would not feel alone. WRONG!

I now feel like I am the only woman around me who feels like you can still go about courting and relationships the way it was designed. It’s hard to abstain in a culture that puts sex before EVERYthing. However, I know in my heart that I’d rather please God than fickle folk.

Men and women seem to believe they have know each other physically to be compatible. I know plenty of sexually active people who don’t know themselves. It’s kind of sad. If you can’t be in a relationship without sex, what do you have left. Is it honestly an eye opener to me. Do we really know the hearts of the people we entertain? What do you know about their aspirations? Their health? Their family? Their past? How can you build a future with someone you don’t know?

I feel like a stranger in a room full of people…but one day… That will be different.

Ivy Out

Categories
life

Not a Name Tag

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So, I was having a conversation tonight with “Pastor Roo”, who is a man of the cloth and Omega Psi Phi, at the 429. It
was invigorating to us both to see a theatre of 20 and 30 something’s on fire for God. Openly. Then this happened:

Me to others: “you sure you know Jesus?”
Them to me: (arms folded in b-boy stance) yup
Me thinking: …you don’t act like it

…while acting all of this out, I said the following, “some people wear “Christian” like the name on their Walgreen’s badge.”

WOW. Seriously. Even as children we are taught to show how we feel. If you’re happy and you know it… (You can probably finish that) clap your hands. If you are Christian and you know it, then you really ought to show it.

Psalms 107:2 – let the REDEEMED of The Lord say so. The bought back. The purchased. We have been claimed by our kinsman redeemer – Jesus- the least we could do is “show some sign”.

A favorite of mine, Matthew 5:16 tells us to let our light shine! Someone is looking for the beacon that will lead them home. Someone is waiting for you to take off the badge and put on the life. What has Christ done for you? Tell someone. Live Redeemed. Not perfect, redeemed.

Ivy Out

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life

Minute clinic

There is a small ounce of peace that comes when you are delivered from people and their uncanny way of ridiculing your past mistakes. Aim to please God, period.

Categories
life

Writing for a miracle or at least clarity…

How many times have you started a writing project, only to scrap all of your brainstorming? It wasn’t even worth recycling. I forget how taxing the gift of writing can be when you aren’t in a “writing mood”. It’s almost like the weather, sometimes you feel like being outside. However, in the midst of Texas heat, sometimes you don’t. 

Today was interesting. I over think most of the time. Attempt to break down things to get to the simple core so that mental digestion is easier. I look for connections and patterns, links, and clues. Today, right now, I exist. I am in this place where God is leading and I am following. I trust Him. I have no idea what this next season holds, I just know it finally feels different. It isn’t the impending birthday that fast approaches, or the new decade that it brings. It isn’t any sudden health changes, or weeks of the month differences. It genuinely feels different. 

I am holding on to the One, I Am that I AM. I know that I am putting effort, thought and breath into living the best life I can live. I worship, praise, pray, read, study, and journal. I give – time, talent, and money. I deduce only this: the rain soon come. 

 

Living in GREAT expectation, 

Ivy Out

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life

I bet you think this blog is about you. . .

Thoughts can easily take over a woman’s mind. They can start with sensory stimuli and them morph into a body of its own. Thoughts can become fire breathing dragons that block out the sun (and any knights in shinning armor). That is, if you don’t slay the dragon.

Thoughts can cause cesspools to form on dry land in the middle of a Saharan drought. It only takes a second, and your life can begin to spin, with you smack dab in the middle.

What causes this? Your past, fear, doubts, former patterns of success (yes, success can cause whirl winds too), and thoughts of the future. The unknown can paralyze a giant. The Bible says without faith, it is impossible to please God. Well, I believe without faith, it’s impossible to be happy (and subsequently, control your thoughts). The Hebrews 11:1 definition of faith deals with the unknown. If we constantly worry about that which we do not control, how can we defeat the dragon?
Did I loose you? It’s ok, I’m random at times. The point is this, women are emotional. It’s in our fabric. Maybe with the additional rib, and womb, we received extra ability to emote. Emotions are powerful, and when applied correctly, they can prove useful. When emotions overtake thoughts, and that cancer begins to turn into the snowball that leaves us in shambles- we have a problem. Faith eliminates the opportunity for one to be overrun! Is it easy? Absolutely not! What in life, worth having, comes easy. If it were easy, men would understand women (and visa versa). If it were easy, there would be no need for wars or disputes. Taming the beast with faith means surrendering the thoughts that mule over your logic. It means trusting in the One whom you can not see, but surely feel.
No this blog wasn’t about anyone else. It’s a written reminder that I must continue to work at my faith. The many giants in front of me won’t back down. So I must fight to tame and then salt them. Do you fight dragons in your spare time too?

Ivy Out

Categories
life

Proverbs 19:21

Proverbs 19:21

::no caption needed::

Categories
life

You are being watched

There are eyes on you, and you may never know who they belong to.

There is a picture circulating around the web and the caption says something like: I wanted to quit, then I realized who was watching. In the picture, it’s usually a parent and a child. I would like to attribute this to your life.

Someone, somewhere is looking up to you. Sometimes, you are blessed to hear from that person. They will tell you how watching you helped them. It’s an humbling moment. When you are aware that you’ve contributed to the success of someone else, you become significant. However, if they never tell you, be significant anyhow.
It’s not just the victorious moments that motivate others, the transparent ones do a great deal! It reminds people that to err is to be human. It lets them know that they can keep going.

I watch many people. I admire most, from afar. Subliminally: thank you. For those who watch me, I pray that I don’t let you down;).

IVY Out

Categories
life

Won’t Back Down

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I just watched “Won’t Back Down” (the movie) and cried my eyes out. What an honor and privilege it is to teach. You work more than contracted hours, you spend a lot of your own pay check, you nurse wounds and counsel tween concerns, you hang custom art, erase graffiti, hear broken phrases and profanity, dry tears, provide lunch money, buy clothes and school supplies, toggle state and district paperwork, grade 130+ papers, oh yea.. you personally get to greet and touch a generation one heart at a time. Teachers are not perfect, but we are called. Despite the insurgence of “fall back” teachers that people ‘talk’ about, there are a LOT of educators who CARE ABOUT KIDS.  WE care. I care. 

I almost walked away from the impressionable minds that teach me. They mourned my grandmother and great aunt with me. When my mother had surgery, my students made cards. When I got my puppy, my students kept up with his life. They were just as much a part of my life, as I am apart of theirs. I have touched students for four years, this upcoming year is my fifth. I expect the best, there are no exceptions. That goes for Miss. Maiben as well!

Teaching: we are the one industry that all other industries rely on. Without us, where would a nation be? You wouldn’t be able to read this blog, if not for a teacher. Homage to those who taught and still teach me. (p.s. parents are a child’s FIRST teacher – homage to you too!!)

 

Smiling – Ivy Out

Categories
life

Have you ever been afraid to pray?

Disclaimer: If you are the type of person who has it all together, this post IS NOT for you. 

I don’t care how churchy, save or sanctified, fire filled, or pristine you may feel… honesty is necessary to read this post. I have experienced something a couple of times this year. I was afraid to pray. Not because I shun time with the Father, heavens no. I was afraid of the testing that comes after you have been in an encounter with God. You know when your spirit is full, your faith is on, your face is smiling, you feel good…and then…something begins to happen to that foundation you started with.

SEVERAL times this year, especially last school year, I would enter a mind numbing worship experience with the Lord. I would cry out in prayer from the very bottom of my soul. I’d pour out every bit of life I had, into the worship. I would “lay it on the throne” if you would. I would get to work with my spiritual armor on, right. Why then, did I NOT expect a battle? When I got to work stuff went “bad”…and fast. Today wasn’t detrimental, but it was not harmonious. Normally, things would continue to spiral downward until I was a puddle of “has been” on the floor. Not today. While I was still physically shaken, I remembered my time with BIG God. Adjective needed. I held on to the hope that the God that protects me, was still on duty. I am thankful that God doesn’t sleep. 

….regrouping. Realizing that your faith will be tested comes with the wisdom that you’ve got to be ready. Today, for two seconds, I almost regretted that test.

Know that THIS teacher always has the end in mind. God knows how strong you are, even when you don’t. He is not done with any of us. HE sustained me, He will sustain you as well. 

Pray. Worship. Fellowship with the Master. Then remain on alert. Shout victory early!!

 

Ivy Out

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